Show Up!

Ellen Mongan describes how a family is a circle of love filled with faith, supporting each other in good times and bad, by showing up.

[Editor's note: Our dear writer, Ellen Mongan, passed away earlier this week after a sudden illness. She had already submitted the following article, which truly sums up Ellen's witness of immediate, caring generosity during a crisis. Please join the Catholic Mom family in praying for Ellen's soul and for consolation for her family and loved ones. May perpetual light shine upon Ellen.]

As a mom of many, I am always learning, growing, and asking questions. Having raised seven children to adulthood, I often receive a variety of answers from them. There is not a shy Mongan in the bunch. They were raised to speak out and stand for what is right. They feel very comfortable telling my husband and I when we miss the mark or offend their spouse. They also encourage us along the way with high fives when we hit the target!

Showing Up Is Important

One time we were dining in Louisville with Kyle and Amanda for my husband’s birthday. Kyle, our son-in-law's words captured our hearts. These words have guided our path as our family continues to expand. Kyle said, “You show up!’ In other words, our adult children may not remember what we say or what we do, but the fact that we were present is important to them.

Life is full of good times of joy as well as unexpected trials! I came to realize that not only do we show up, but our family shows up as well. We work as a team, pulling together.

Be There When Storms Arise

 When our middle child went through a divorce, we stood by her. Since she was raising two small children at the time, we offered to share the load by letting them move in until she was on her feet again,

Showing up may not always be easy or convenient, but a wise mom and dad discern the importance of each event as it arrives. I remember one time our daughter was having treatment for kidney stones and asked if I could come help her. I had just had several car accidents and could barely care for myself. My husband and I carefully looked at the most peaceful solution and decided to have him accompany me. It was the first of many trials we faced together. It was a way to still be there and to share the load together.

When COVID hit, and it affected our son Joshua’s restaurant business in Hawaii, my husband invited him to move in with us. Instead of being a burden he became an asset, helping where needed and using his gifts to bless us.

When our son Tyler moved back to the States from Japan with his new bride, Tomoko, we offered to house them and let them use a car until they were settled. We were delighted to get to know our new daughter-in-law better and to learn more about Japanese culture.

When We Can’t Help

Sometimes we miss the mark and regret our choice. One daughter miscarried a baby, and we were unable to be there for her. My sister Julie, who is only five years older than our daughter, filled my shoes. She was so appreciative of it. Life happens in the midst of other plans! There is no way we can always be there, even though we do care.

Being Present

Showing up is not always about helping family members get through difficulties. Often, it involves being present at important events in your grandchildren's lives. To this nana and papa, holidays, birthdays, graduations, baseball games, volleyball tournaments, dance recitals, soccer games, and play performances become much-anticipated events. We do not want to miss a thing, which is until their lives are so active that events fill up most of your calendar! Many times, we have to choose between two events occurring on the same day in different states, or grandchildren receiving sacraments on the same day in different locations. How do you show up?

Siblings to the Rescue

As parents of a large family, you are the young parents for the first half of your children, then maybe the old parents for the second half of the children. Not to worry: This is where the siblings come to the rescue. I am delighted to say that our children work as a team. Many times you need a little help from your friends, better known as your adult children.

When a hurricane approached Cocoa Beach as our son and daughter-in-law prepared to share their wedding vows with the US family (they married in Japan), our daughters went into high gear. It seemed like Mission Impossible to move the wedding, which was to take place in four days. Tyler and Tomoko landed in Florida from Japan, and learned the event was moved to Evans, Georgia. On the way to Evans, we made one stop in Orlando to pick up Tomoko’s brother, who had flown in from Japan. If you did not know it better, you would have thought this was the original plan. My daughters hired a photographer, found a venue, planned a menu, arranged the flowers, and informed the guests. The event was picture-perfect and the weather did not disappoint.

We Care, and We Will Always Be There

Team Mongan always shows up, with their sleeves rolled up and a smile on their face, ready to be there for each other. Without missing a beat, the details are taken care of with the ease of a well-paid crew. Yet, they do it not for pay but to build family. We care and we will be there, which is my motto. Everyone shows up for one another, knowing that others will show up for them. When one Mongan is down in a pit, Mongans rally around with a hand lifting them back up, never counting the cost. Isn’t that what being family is all about?

Carrying the Cross Together

Sometimes in life we are called to show up at a time when a crisis comes, an unexpected happening that no one saw coming. This Holy Week, Patrick and I, along with our children, walked the path of Calvary together as a family. There is nothing sadder than watching your children carry a cross that is too heavy to bear. As always, our family bound together as never before.

On Wednesday of Holy Week, our dear sweet daughter-in-law went to the hospital to check on her 36-week pregnancy. A sonogram was ordered. At that moment Sean and Kendra heard the words no parent wants to hear: “We cannot find a heartbeat.” Their hearts sank. Sean, a medical physicist familiar with sonograms, asked them to repeat it. The results were devastating. They were heartbroken.

Patrick and I rushed to the hospital just to be there. Patrick, a family practice physician and a deacon, knew just what to say and what to do. I, the grieving grandma, called upon every intercessor I knew to pray for them. Ten hours later, Kendra was hemorrhaging from a placental abruption, and the hospital staff rushed her to the OR for an emergency C-section. She was given 4 pints of blood. We were well aware that we almost lost our daughter-in-law. It was a time of grieving for all as our little angel, Amber Athena Therese, went to be with Jesus.

Grief-stricken Kendra was released on Good Friday with Sean at her side. The Mongan family worked together behind the scenes, covering every detail while they were in the hospital. Meals were prepared and frozen, new sheets put on beds, people called, flowers purchased, and love shown by action. Kendra’s parents were the heroes in caring for their one- and three-year-old girls for all three days.

As Jesus walked the steps of Calvary, with Simon at his side, Patrick and I, the Mongan families, and Kendra’s family accompanied them as best we could, each doing their part. It was one of the saddest good Fridays we have ever had. Sometimes all we can offer is our tears of compassion.

Kendra and Sean will always remember this Holy Week when Kendra birthed their daughter. They held her in their arms and then gave her back to the Lord Jesus way too soon. As we walked the streets of Calvary together as families bound by love, we began to see a clearer picture of what Mary felt as she stood at the foot of the cross with her Son, Jesus. Her Heart broke, as did all of ours.

The Family That Shows Up

Family is a circle of love, filled with faith that supports one another in good times and in bad. Not counting the cost, you can depend on them to show up. At least that's the way I see it. I am so incredibly grateful for my children, sons-in-law, daughters-in-law, and grandchildren.

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Copyright 2026 Ellen Mongan
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