Tackling Envy

Alexis Dallara-Marsh outlines four practical ways to overcome the temptation toward envy.

I must admit, I get envious a lot. Since I was a young child, I always struggled with wanting things fair, but really, so that they were in my favor. It affected me being a good sister to my younger siblings, because I always wanted to come up on top. I recognize now how much kinder I wish I had been as a child. And still today, many years later, it's not that I want badness for others, but when I see something I wish I had, I (naturally) desire it. For example, I was triggered just now seeing a childhood best friend having given birth to twins. How selfish of me to, rather than feel genuinely happy for her, honestly wish that it was me instead, even though I already have multiple other children, one of whom just turned six months.

I recognize how many blessings I have, and yet it is so natural for me to have these feelings of "why not me, why not more?" The ongoing pangs of being a sinner.

So today I sought to combat this inherent weakness that so many of us struggle with. How can I best reconcile the desire for it to always be about myself? What are some practical techniques to stay grounded?

Build self-esteem

First, study what exactly envy is and why one might feel this way. According to a writer for PsychologyToday.com, envy is best summed up as, "I want what you have." It involves measuring yourself against another, resulting in a want (conscious or unconscious) to deprive others of what they have. Envy arises from feelings of inadequacy and a sense of hollowness and unworthiness. Therefore, working on self-esteem is of utmost importance!

Know that God is in charge

As a Catholic, I must recognize that only God knows what is best for me. That what is best is what will bring me closer to Him. The most extreme of this is suffering. In suffering, we come to rely most on our relationship with God. 

As Job exclaimed, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

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I recognize how many blessings I have, and yet it is so natural for me to have these feelings of "why not me, why not more?" #CatholicMom

Pray for virtue

We must pray to God that He share gifts of the Holy Spirit such as patience and self control. Learning and praying the Litany of Humility is one of many ways to do this. Be in true awe of God's goodness above all earthly matters and this should suffice! 

Get support

Talk to others as well! It is probably helpful to have trusting relationships with those you are close to, but recognize these don't necessarily have to come from family or best friends. I am thankful the many communities of faith filled others I have met through online Catholic groups like Blessed Is She. Seeking a spiritual advisor, and/or counselor can also be so therapeutic. 

I pray for us all to be able to conquer sin and continuously grow in our relationship with the Lord!

Copyright 2023 Alexis Dallara-Marsh
Images: Canva