Tea, Tenderness, and Truth: A Catholic Mom’s Guide to Self-Compassion

Denise Jelinek shares how Catholic moms can heal through self-compassion, with concrete examples for moms at all stages of mothering.

Let’s start with a bold truth that many of us Catholic women need to hear on repeat: Beating yourself up is not holy. It’s harmful. 

Jesus never once used shame as a teaching tool — and we shouldn’t either. 

I’ve seen firsthand how hard we can be on ourselves, especially as moms. Whether your babies are in diapers or off at college, that inner voice can be brutal. And we think it’s helpful. We believe if we’d just “try harder,” “be better,” or “stop being lazy,” we’ll finally get our act together. 

But it doesn’t work like that. 

Enter the work of Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the science of self-compassion — and praise God, what she’s uncovered aligns beautifully with our faith. (You can learn more about her work at Self-Compassion.org.) 

What Is Self-Compassion? 

Dr. Neff breaks it down into three parts: 

1. Mindfulness: being present with what is, without judgment  

2. Common Humanity: recognizing you are not alone in your suffering  

3. Self-Kindness: offering yourself the same tenderness you’d give a dear friend 

Sound familiar? These echo truths we already believe as Catholics. Jesus invites us to live in the present moment, reminds us we are never alone, and calls us to love our neighbor as ourselves.  

The problem? Most of us don’t love ourselves very well. 

What Does This Look Like for Catholic Moms? 

Here are real-life examples of how self-compassion plays out at different stages of motherhood: 

New Mom Stage: 

You haven’t showered in two days, your baby won’t sleep unless she’s on your chest, and you just ate graham crackers for lunch (again). You think: What is wrong with me? 

Practicing self-compassion would sound like: “Jesus, this is hard. And I’m not alone. You chose me to be her mom — not because I’d do it perfectly, but because You knew I’d love her with everything I’ve got.” 

Mom of School-Aged Kids: 

You forgot it was Crazy Hair Day at school. Your daughter is in tears. You’re running late, and the guilt is crushing. 

Practicing self-compassion would sound like: “Lord, I messed up. But I’m human — and this doesn’t make me a bad mom. Let me show that same love to my daughter right now.” 

Empty Nester / Adult Children: 

You’re watching your grown kids make decisions you wouldn’t. You wonder, did I fail them? 

Practicing self-compassion would sound like: “Holy Spirit, my job was to plant seeds — not control the harvest. I trust You’re still at work in them.” 

Emotional Eating: 

You ate your kids’ leftover mac and cheese straight from the pan. Then you beat yourself up.

Practicing self-compassion would sound like: “Jesus, I was overwhelmed. Thank You for showing me this. I surrender it to You.” 

The “Tea and Tenderness” Self-Compassion Practice 

If self-kindness feels awkward or foreign, try this: 

Picture a friend.

She walks into your kitchen in tears. She yelled at her kids. She feels like a failure. Would you scold her? No. You’d say, “Oh honey, this is hard,” put your arm around her, listen and comfort her.  

Do the same for yourself. 

Put your hand on your heart. Breathe. Say, “Jesus, be with me here.”  

Offer comfort, not criticism. 

Make yourself tea. Take a short walk. Whisper a prayer. Let yourself be loved. 

This is not weakness. This is holiness. 
Because when we treat ourselves with compassion, we mirror the mercy of Christ. 

So today, if you’re walking through a moment of failure, frustration, or fatigue ... pause. 
Take a breath. 
And say: “Jesus, I’m struggling. But You are with me. And I choose to love myself through this—because You do.” 

This is how we grow. 
This is how we heal. 
This is how we become more like Him. 

Share your thoughts with the Catholic Mom community! You'll find the comment box below the author's bio and list of recommended articles.

Copyright 2025 Denise Jelinek
Images: Canva