The Best Reminder Ever

Elizabeth Pardi considers how simply stop checking the boxes is not the way to build a relationship with God.

At a recent FOCUS conference, Fr. Mike Schmitz gave a talk that hit me right in the heart. FOCUS is a Catholic collegiate outreach, and although there were many amazing and inspiring Catholic speakers at this particular conference, called SEEK21, Fr. Mike’s talk hit pierced me with a reminder that I, and all devoted Catholic moms, could use from time to time.

Checking the boxes

Using the parable of the prodigal son, Fr. Mike talked about the main point of our faith being to love God and allow Him to love us, as opposed to resigning ourselves to being slaves for Him. Too often, we get sucked into the habit of strictly checking things off the list as far as tasks and beliefs. Personally, this is something I’m undoubtedly guilty of. I went to mass. Check. I went to adoration. Check. I prayed my Rosary. Check. I’m catechizing my kids. Check. I believe the Church’s teachings. Check.

Although the eternal importance of each one of those things cannot be overstated, I think each one of us needs to look inward to discover how God is trying to love, celebrate and even spoil us, like a good father does. Fr. Mike quoted the prodigal son’s older brother from Luke 15:29: “All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders.”

He said he imagines the father’s reply being, “No one asked you to.” The Church is clear on what it requires of us, and those requirements are not burdensome. So if we feel burnt out religiously, if we feel like we’re checking all the boxes but not being filled, maybe it’s because we’re not letting the Lord love us the way He wants to. Maybe it’s because we’re spending so much time “slaving” for Him that we’re deaf to His whispers urging us to slow down and rest in Him while He adores us.

God’s goodness does not depend on ours

Part of the problem comes back to our fallen nature, which has an automatic distrust of authority. Most of our relationships here are very give-and-take based, meaning that if we want someone to be a good friend or do something kind for us, we assume we’d better be doing that for them.

We then fall into this mentality in our faith life, thinking, “If I want God to continue blessing me, I’d better check all the boxes.” But that’s not how Christ works. He will care for and love me despite my striving, and if I’m robotically stretching myself too thin in the hopes that I’ll reap some exceptional reward, then I’m only molding myself into a bitter, cynical individual, like the prodigal son’s older brother.

Be still, and know that I am God

Lately, with a fourth baby due next month and a bunch of home renovations underway, I’ve been striving all day long. I rush from one task to the next, making sure I pray my Rosary, at some point, before springing up to get the dishes put away and possibly reply to a few emails in the process. But every so often, there’s this whisper in my heart, saying, “Be still. Let me look at you.” Sometimes, I ignore it. But sometimes – assuming the kids are occupied – I manage to sit down, close my eyes, and just imagine what a loving, doting father would say to his tired daughter. I tell him, “Here I am. I love you and I’m trying. I know I’m failing, too, but I really am trying.”

Maybe a perfect verse to summarize all of this is Matthew chapter 7:22-23. Jesus says that many will list for him the noble things they did in the hopes of entering heaven. But his response to them will be, “I never knew you.”

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Sometimes allowing God to love us and fill us up happens in unexpected ways. #catholicmom

If all we do in this life is check the boxes, complete the tasks and submit to the teachings, where is the relationship? Where is our intimacy with our Maker, who desires a special, one-of-a-kind union with each one of us? If we never find that union because we’re too busy slaving for Him, we’re missing the whole point of this life.

This article isn’t intended to discount any of the beautiful practices we as Catholics have to deepen our faith. My point is simply to remember that sometimes allowing God to love us and fill us up happens in unexpected ways. It’s only through conversing with Him and opening ourselves up to His prompts that someone can know how He longs to delight in them.

coffee cup and checklist with pen on wooden table