The Blessing of my Non-Catholic Mom

Katie Fitzgerald reflects on the role her Protestant mother played in raising her to adulthood in the Catholic faith.

My dad used to tell the story about a conversation he had with the pastor of my childhood parish. When the priest learned that my mom, who was raised Protestant in the Dutch Reformed church, was not planning to convert to Catholicism, Father S. said, “She will lose her children.” What Father was getting at, I think, was a concern that there would always be a separation in our family between the Catholics—Dad, me, and my sister—and Mom, the sole non-Catholic.

Nearly forty years have come and gone since that discussion took place. My dad died in 2018, and my mom still isn’t Catholic, and yet my sister and I both practice the faith and I talk to my mom every day. My mom didn’t lose us, and neither did the Church. How did this happen?

Because my dad had a demanding job with long hours and a substantial commute, he wasn’t around very much during the week to provide religious instruction. It was Mom, therefore, who had the responsibility of driving us to CCD class, making sure we had our snack and mission money and the required books and pencils. When there were assigned prayers, or homework pages to complete, she was the one who listened to make sure we were word-perfect and checked that our homework answers made sense. At bedtime, Mom was the one who sat at the foot of the bed or stood in the doorway and listened to our evening prayers. She even helped us come up with our “God blesses,” the list of special people we prayed for every night, which I still have memorized to this day.

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When it came to sacraments, it was my mom who walked us through the steps for Confession and the proper hand position for receiving the Eucharist. Mom cross-stitched our Communion banners, organized our first Communion parties, and drove us to Sunday-night Confirmation class. There were times when she even dropped us off for Mass on a holy day when our dad wouldn’t make it home in time, or waited in the car while we went to Confession. She took the faith seriously, and as a result, we did too.

Now I’m raising the next generation, but my mom has yet to retire from her role in helping raise Catholic children. From the time my oldest was born ten years ago, she has included many religious toys and items in her gifts to the kids for various occasions. She has generously showered us with decade rosaries and saint dolls, coloring books and prayer guides, keychains of patron saints, religious puzzles, a Mass kit, a priest doll, and so many other things. So involved is she in promoting the faith that my kids didn’t even realize she wasn’t Catholic for a long time.

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Sometimes conversations on the Internet get ugly, and they lament that any Catholic would ever marry a non-Catholic. Undoubtedly, the Catholics who speak against “mixed marriages” have the same concerns Father S. had way back when. How can you raise a child in a faith you don’t believe in? But God works in mysterious ways, using all things for the good. In our family, the love of a Protestant mother for her children, and her desire to be part of their faith lives, resulted in children who have never left the Church. I used to wonder if I hadn’t missed out on something, not having a mother who shared my faith. Now I recognize that my non-Catholic mother is a blessing, and that she is one of the biggest reasons my children do have a Catholic mother.

Do you have a non-Catholic parent (or grandparent, or other relative) who has been a key part of your faith journey? Please share in the comments. I’d love to hear your stories!

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