The Light Burden of Family Life

Taryn DeLong shares an experience that reminded her that the “burden” of family is also a gift.

My husband and I bought a house in October. It’s our first house after living in an apartment since our wedding. With this sudden wealth of space, we immediately began hosting family—my in-laws for Thanksgiving and, unexpectedly, my grandmother last week. A power outage meant she couldn’t stay in her home, so we invited her to stay with us. 

“I don’t want to be in the way!” my grandmother told me on the phone. 

“Mom-Mom,” I said, “this is why we bought a house! So we would have room for family!” 

My grandfather, Mom-Mom’s husband, died in August. The holidays are always hard after losing a loved one, so this visit was a blessing. It was particularly wonderful to hear my daughter say “Mom-Mom!”, to see her reach up to sit in her lap, and to see her excitement in the morning when she saw that Mom-Mom (and, of course, her “doggie”) hadn’t left during the night.

“My Burden Is Light” 

Family life is not easy. It’s not easy when you’re single and dealing with your own family. It’s not easy when you get married and add in-laws to the mix. It’s certainly not easy when you have children. As a result, our culture is increasingly viewing family life as a burden—one that isn’t worth it. 

It makes sense; after all, our culture’s priority is pleasure. Having children often offers pleasures. So does having a grandparent visit or an elderly or disabled relative move in. But these things also often require sacrifice. They require often letting go of our own desires, routines, and comforts. 

Last week’s visit imposed extra tasks on my husband, my grandmother, and me. We helped care for her, and she helped care for our daughter. 

It also gave my daughter beautiful time with her great-grandmother. It gave me someone to watch Christmas movies with while my husband worked late. When my mother joined us for dinner each night, it meant that four generations sat at the table together. 

So, yes. Family is a burden. If it’s not, we’re probably doing something wrong (as economist Clara Piano beautifully points out in a recent article for Public Discourse). The Christian life–a life that must be filled with love—is a burden. It’s a burden that is light, though, and it is one that Jesus carries with us (Matthew 11:30). It is a burden that is filled with joy.

Maybe, when talking about family, we need to redefine “burden.” #catholicmom

Laughter and Tears 

My family shed a lot of tears this year as a direct result of being part of a family. There is no one to grieve if there is no one to love. And yet, would any of us ever wish it away? 

One night last week, I was in the kitchen while my husband, grandmother, and mother were in the family room with my daughter. I had a sudden and intense flashback to my own childhood as I heard my mother and grandmother talking and laughing with my daughter. It almost brought me to tears as I stood over the stove, cooking dinner for these women who used to cook for me. 

Maybe, when talking about family, we need to redefine “burden.” Caring for the people we love is hard. And it is beautiful. It is holy.

Copyright 2022 Taryn Oesch DeLong
Images: Canva