The Long Road to Rediscovering Myself

Inspired by autumn, Michelle Hamel reflects on the beauty of the changing seasons of life.

October is my favorite month of the year! I love the fall days, still filled with lots of sunshine. I love the cooler weather and putting on a soft, comfy sweater to stay warm. My absolute favorite thing about October is the colors. Living in Southern New England means leaves of red, yellow and orange turning the outdoors into a constantly changing work of art. I love to sit in our backyard as my young grandsons play and gaze at the beautiful leaves against the bright blue sky. Every time I'm outside I just try to soak up the beauty of this season; it always passes by more quickly than I want it to.

The changing of the world around me has inspired reflection about the seasons of my life. Like October, the different seasons of motherhood are filled with moments of beauty that pass quickly. When I was a young mom with many little children (our first seven children were born in ten years), it felt like life would never change and I was in a perpetual season of pregnancy, nursing, and managing a crazy life with babies, toddlers, and school-age children.

Even though it felt like life would be the same forever, the reality is that it's always changing. Even within that busy part of my story, there were subplots. My children started reaching school age, and I started a journey to work on my mental health after not addressing the emotional pain I carried for years from losing our first daughter to a genetic disorder and having a son diagnosed with severe autism. Eventually you reach a point where new opportunities appear, and you have choices to make about which path you want to follow.

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My first new season

When the youngest of my crew entered kindergarten, I felt pretty lost. After 15 years of having at least one child at home all the time, the change felt so dramatic. I felt like my life purpose was over (see ... dramatic!). But after a few months I found a routine of working part-time, taking care of my family, and actually enjoying a little free time. I started thinking and praying about other paths I could take in this new season.

I learned that God likes to throw in surprises. He seems to love a good plot twist. After grieving for several months what I thought was the end of my journey with babies, accepting a new path, and starting to get excited about new adventures, I found out I was expecting our first bonus baby, a little boy we named Luke. And, yes, I said "first" because two years later God sent us a bonus bonus baby: our daughter Kate.

Even though in some ways I started over, my short experience in considering new paths gave me an expanded view of motherhood this time around. Since getting out with two little ones is challenging, I started inviting a few other moms I'd met through church and my older children's school for a small book study in my home. This lasted for several years and was a great way to grow friendships and enjoy sharing thoughts over lots of good books. I also started a blog, which fulfilled the desire I had to write about my adventures in parenting and sharing my faith.

When Kate eventually entered kindergarten, it was an easier transition emotionally for me. (I still cried when I dropped her off on the first day!) But I was ready to see what God had in store for me beyond parenting littles. The journey was not a straight, easy path. I worked for several years, tried a few grad-school classes, and felt like I was floundering at times. I helped several adult children plan weddings (and when my son got married in the summer or 2020, I helped plan, unplan, and replan that wedding multiple times!). My role as Mom was expanded to a new title of Grammy five times in the last three years (soon to be six times come November!). Through all the changes, I was still trying to see who God meant for me to be in this new stage of life.

The present journey

While I’m still very involved as Mom, especially to the four kids who still live at home, and Grammy to all the littles I’m blessed to see multiple times each week, I’m also discovering a new path God has opened up for me. The desire to write has continued for me and has expanded in the last year beyond just blog posts. I’m currently working on a book project with Pauline Books and Media, which is such an exciting and amazing opportunity.

I’m not really sure what the future holds, but for right now I am enjoying this writing adventure. It’s quite the learning curve, but God continues to put wonderful people in my path who encourage me, inspire me, and mentor me. Seasons continue to change, but each one brings moments of beauty only God can create.

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