The Marvelous Gift of Confession

Suzanne Beck reflects on a recent experience with Confession that overwhelmed her with gratitude for God’s mercy and love. 

It had been a tough few weeks. 

I was really dreading Confession. I’d endured several weeks of desolation, a dry time where I didn’t feel like the Lord was saying much to me at all. I knew He was there, but life had been rough. I’d had an extensive surgery, and recovery was progressing much slower than I had anticipated. Lack of sleep, busyness, stress, dryness in prayer — all these seemed to distance me from the Lord. I’ve heard the old saying, "If you feel far from God, guess who moved?" so I figured it was my fault, and I had just drifted away a bit, and hence, the desolation.  

In fact, that’s probably the reason I was standing in line. That habitual sin, which I thought had been conquered, had come back with a vengeance, not once or twice, but several times. So I was baffled as well — that I’d even been tempted, that I’d acted on the temptation, and wondering why God was so distant.

I know enough to know that I was in the best place I could be (and probably should have been there the week before!), but I still wasn’t feeling it. After all, I had been DOING everything I should: consistent in my morning and evening prayers (as well as the Rosary), heavily involved with my charity work, working my ministry job; but I was just checking the boxes.  

Father Ushered Me In

This particular Saturday, I was greeted by Father Peter, with his kind and quiet demeanor. He’s very young and had been a seminarian at our previous parish, so we’ve been marginally acquainted for some time. He asked about my recent surgery and recovery as we briefly chatted. I began my confession and blurted out my recurring sin.

He was quiet for a moment and then just looked at me with love. "You are doing amazing, you are such a gift, you are filled with God’s spirit. I see God’s spirit in you and want to thank you for being faithful through all you’ve been through; I know you’ve been through a lot."

He talked about how faithful I was, how much he admired me and my walk with Christ, how I had stayed faithful through the past traumas (which he knew nothing about). He continued, “In fact, when I first came here, my first assignment, and saw you and your husband, I knew that I was going to be OK. I just really appreciate your faithfulness.” 

I was absolutely stunned. I don’t think I’ve ever felt experienced in persona Christi before! I really felt like Jesus himself was speaking those words to me, not only forgiving my sin, but also giving me reassurance that my doing (which I hadn’t really confessed) was seen, completely understood and accepted as a gift to Him. The words of the psalmist came to mind:  

You know when I sit and stand;
you understand my thoughts from afar. 
You sift through my travels and my rest; 
with all my ways you are familiar. (Psalm 139:2-3) 

God really does know me! 

The Burden Lifts

Then came those wonderful words of absolution! I felt the weight of it all physically lift from my shoulders. I felt the love of Jesus come flooding into my heart. I don’t remember the walk to the pew for my penance (which was to simply thank God for his faithfulness!); I just remember looking at the crucifix and being in awe, feeling like I really had been in confession with Jesus.

He spoke to me, understanding my failings and attempts to DO the right thing. God knew me. He understood what I needed, met me there, and spoke through Father Peter to tell me that I was OK, that He was pleased with my being faithful even when I simply felt like I was going through the motions. 

Friends, God is real, his Spirit lives within us and guides our lives. Every. Single. Minute. Jesus is real, and the precepts of the Church are true, including and especially Confession. God meets us there with healing, forgiveness, compassion, understanding, and infinite love! Why would I not want to meet Jesus there every time I can?

I am so very grateful to be Catholic! The memory of this confession will encourage me for the next time I need to go (because you know there WILL be a next time!) 

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Copyright 2025 Suzanne Beck
Images: iStockPhoto.com, licensed for use by Holy Cross Family Ministries