The Stay-at-Home Decision: One Mother's Perspective

As her children transition into adulthood, Tina Mayeux reflects on her years as a stay-at-home mom and offers insights for those considering this path.

Our children are aged 20, 18, and 15 now. Looking back, I acknowledge my missteps and imperfections as a parent. Although I can honestly say that I gave 110 percent to being a wife and mother, it was not a perfect endeavor.  

One thing I have no regrets about, however, is remaining home with our children as a stay-at-home mom while they were young. I know wonderful mothers who were able to juggle work while raising their children and do it well, but for our family, having me at home has been the best choice and a great blessing.  

I benefitted from my own mother’s steady presence while growing up, so the decision was natural for us in the beginning. We wanted our children to experience the stability and constancy of having a parent in the home, especially while they were young. Realizing that this option is not always possible for some families, we considered ourselves blessed that my husband’s job allowed for me to remain at home with them, although we were on a strict budget, lived in a small two-bedroom house, and drove older cars. The sacrifices were well worth the joy and satisfaction of knowing our three girls had their mother home with them.  

Being a stay-at-home mom, however, was not always pure domestic bliss and heaven on earth. There were several moments when I, up to my ears in dirty diapers, loads of unwashed laundry, and a messy house, felt tempted to throw in the dish towel and begin working outside the home, mainly to escape the long days and, at times, the monotony of being a full-time homemaker. Those moments passed quickly with prayer and a little help from family and friends, who were always ready to lend a helping hand when I needed a break.  

To those moms who may be contemplating the decision of whether to remain home with their young children or return to work, I would offer these ideas about how to approach the choice, coming from a mom of older children who struggled at times with these options herself:  

First, pray about it 

Pray with your husband for light to follow God’s will in this and all matters. Jesus himself spent many hours in prayer with God the Father. Before choosing the twelve Apostles, he spent the entire night on the mountain, communing with his Father in preparation for such an important decision. Praying a novena together with your husband is one way to ask for light and guidance from the Holy Spirit to choose the right path for your family.  

Trust your husband 

Discuss and decide with your husband and defer to his decision. It’s okay to believe that God may be directing you through your spouse. Saint Paul beautifully advises,

Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:21-24)

Is this mindset unpopular and controversial these days? Certainly! After all, mutual submission calls for the recognition of the husband as the head of the household. However, wives should not feel threatened by this arrangement. With this privilege, a husband assumes immense responsibility:

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her. (Ephesians 5:25)

That means sacrifice, even as Christ sacrificed His life on the Cross for us.  

They won’t be young forever 

If you are financially able to stay home with your children, remember that these years of rocking babies to sleep, bathing and dressing wiggly toddlers, and reading bedtime stories to young children will pass quickly, although some days it may seem hard to believe. Before you know it, you’ll find them driving, dating, and, one day, even moving away to college, going to work, and maybe getting married and starting their own families.

The once hectic and exhausting moments will become peaceful and serene as your children venture out to make lives for themselves and fulfill their God-given dreams and vocations. While you will enjoy their visits and phone calls, the days of constant caring for them and nurturing them will be gone.  

In these days, you will reflect nostalgically on every first step they took and first word they uttered, and you will be immensely grateful for the long hours you spent with them when they were young. You will thank God that you went the extra mile for them, waking up at all hours for middle-of-the-night feedings, bringing them to Mass when they were fussy and active, and even, for some, sacrificing lucrative careers to be at home during those tender years.  

Now that our girls are older, I am discovering that I have more time to devote to personal pursuits. For me, this includes more prayer, time and space to spend writing, and devoting more time to service work. I am glad that I was able to be a full-time mother, as imperfect as I was. The long days and sleepless nights are priceless memories that I treasure and, hopefully, my daughters cherish as well. I wouldn’t trade them for the world.  

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Copyright 2024 Tina Mayeux
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