The Taste of Joy

Catholic convert Denise Jelinek describes the experience of receiving the Body and Blood of Christ for the first time.

When I was growing up, God was a non-issue.

I had no feelings for or against Him. I truly believed that going to “church” was something other people did, since my family didn’t go … ever. The only faith influence was my grandma. She was a daily Mass-goer. I attended Sunday Mass a few times a year when I would spend the weekend with her, but I always felt very out of place.

It wasn’t until years later that I finally surrendered to God’s pursuit of me.

I want to share with you that story, which I originally wrote the day after receiving my first Communion and Confirmation as a woman in her late 20s at the Easter Vigil 2007. I’m happy to say God has been the center of my life since then and I continue to pursue Him.

Easter Vigil Mass 2007

I want to capture the day and its moments while it’s still fresh in my heart and mind, yet I hesitate, afraid that my words won’t do it justice. I’ll let Him guide me and trust that the end result is what He wills.

I must start with the moments before receiving the Eucharist.

During the Mass, I heard that I would be receiving and being strengthened by the Holy Spirit to be more like Christ. Thank goodness, I thought. I need that. I waited with my Grandma’s arms wrapped around me, as my confirmation sponsor, and mine around her, watching the other candidates be marked with the oil of the catechumens.

Finally, it was my turn.

With hands clasped in front of me, I tried to remember every word, feeling, and sound of the moment.

Grandma answered that my Confirmation name is Jacinta and I closed my eyes, anticipating what came next.

This was the moment I had been longing for. Here I was, receiving the Holy Spirit:

forever strengthened by the Holy Spirit
forever aided and assisted to be Christ-like by the Holy Spirit
forever bonded to something that will help me throughout life, good times and bad
forever bonded to something that will help me live as a Christian

Finally, I have it!

The priest’s fingers pressed firmly against the side of my head and with great intention I felt the warm oil on his thumb mark my forehead with the cross as he said, “Jacinta, I sign thee with the sign of the cross, and I confirm thee with the chrism of salvation; in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost.”

My pulse quickened, my eyes welled with tears and my arm returned to Grandma’s shoulder for her comforting embrace.

I breathed a new breath. My new life was beginning.

Unexpectedly, I felt a hand on my arm. It was my RCIA leader asking me to help carry the gifts.

Presentation of the Gifts

As I waited in the back of the church, I was struck that the wine in my hands was moments away from becoming Jesus’ blood. I looked at the host in another woman’s hands. She was carrying what would soon be Jesus’ flesh. I was FINALLY going to enjoy this most amazing gift from our Lord!

null

Once I was in line for Communion, a voice inside me screamed, “Me! Finally in line to receive the Body and Blood of our Lord!”

The enormity of the event rushed over me. My heart was literally pounding. I wanted to imprint the experience in my heart through all of my senses and yet, I wanted to recall all the nuances of properly receiving Communion: bow before receiving it, left hand on top in order to leave the right hand free to pick it up, say “Amen,” be reverent. I’m taking the flesh of my Lord in my hands!

Calm yourself, Denise … enjoy this moment, I thought.

The Spirit took over.

When it was my turn, I felt God say, “Welcome my child, you are in my care. Trust me. You are mine.” I felt so loved and accepted. It was almost as if our Lord wept for joy at that very moment, too.

I took the Host.

Tears were streaming. Joy. Love. I was so full of the Spirit that it was literally running out of me.

The feelings grew as I waited for the cup.

The Eucharistic minister looked directly into my eyes and said, “The Blood of Christ.”

My lips mouthed, “Amen,” while my heart shouted, “Amen ... finally ... amen!” She gently smiled. I continued to overflow.

My body felt weak. Like a child holding a cup, I grasped the chalice with both hands. I told my hands to lift the cup to my lips and my lips to take a sip. I did.

I have no recollection of the taste of the moment beyond joy and relief. Yes, pure relief streaming down my cheeks.

I wasn’t sure where to go or which aisle to take back to my seat. All I wanted to do was get to my knees and share the moment silently with God. Eventually, I got to my knees, clasped my hands tightly and while thanking the Lord for getting me to this place, for watching over me and for staying by my side through it all, I breathed ... a new breath.

Click to tweet:
My life can continually begin anew through His signs of love: Reconciliation and the Eucharist. #catholicmom

My new life has begun and because of the gifts and graces of our Lord, my life can continually begin anew through His signs of love: Reconciliation and the Eucharist.

My new life has begun.

null