The Things Our Children Remember

Charisse Tierney shares a conversation with four children who recently lost their mother to cancer, and reflects on what really matters to our kids.

“But I’m glad that she was able to homeschool us at the time that she did so we were able to spend as much time as we could with her. That was before she even knew it too, which was really cool and special I thought. If we were in school, we would have not seen her too much.”

He spoke with a certainty and maturity well beyond his 13 years. His dark eyes looked at me with a steady gaze. His entire demeanor was infused with her hope filled, peaceful likeness — a gift left to him from her deathbed.

He had interjected that sudden thought about spending time with his mom just after a fun conversation about a family vacation they took. Their last vacation before the cancer took her strength and roller coaster-riding vivacity. Their last vacation before she died.

Am I Doing Enough?

I have fond memories of discussing homeschool philosophies and curriculum with her, of trying to better understand our children together, of wondering if we were doing enough. Enough math, enough reading, enough nature study, enough science labs…it’s an easy spiral to descend into for a homeschooling mom.

As her cancer progressed and she had to let go of the homeschooling she loved, not all of her four children were able to enter into their brick and mortar school at the grade level their age dictated. When a homeschooled child is plucked from their unique, individually tailored, go with the family’s flow home learning environment, they often don’t fit neatly into a specific rung of the school system. But their wonderful school community nurtured each of them into an academic niche that suited them.

Golden Memories

During our conversation, a couple of her children mentioned “I was held back a grade” or “I had to do my grade again,” but these comments were said as statements of fact, not statements of regret or blame. The notion of academia was entirely independent of their memories of homeschool.

Because all homeschool meant to them was time with her.

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Gloriously open days of living life with her. Going to the lake, on nature outings, or simply picking up groceries and keeping appointments. And maybe a little math and grammar.

It was before she even knew it. It was before the shadow of cancer was cast over all of them.

It was a time of living the joys and struggles and monotony of every day together. It was a golden time that strengthened their relationships and opened their hearts for what was to come.

“Spend Time with Your Kids”

When I asked her children to tell me something they especially loved about their mother, they unanimously agreed, “Her smile.”

… and it was mentioned that no one can make cinnamon rolls that taste like hers did.

When I visited her three weeks before she died, one of the things she said was, “We are all so busy all the time. But all our kids want is time with us. Spend time with your kids.”

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