The Yes List: What Are We Opting In To?

Tired of always saying "no,” Katie Flodder discusses how a simple "Yes List" can bring joy, connection, and purpose back to your family life. 

My friend’s mom slaps both hands on the kitchen counter and declares, “I don’t envy your generation of parents one bit!” We are discussing yet another social media related incident involving teens in our community. The story is horrifying and my heart aches for these young people.

I rub my eyes tiredly and sigh inwardly, thinking, “You know what Jan, I don’t envy us either. We didn’t sign up for this.” The Wild West of technology leaves parents to play whack-a-mole with every new conundrum that pops up, and it’s utterly draining. 

We’re well versed in the consequences of heavy technology use in young people. We don’t need exhaustive studies to show us that it effortlessly highjacks the young mind. Heck, we’ve experienced it as adults — it continually feeds our brains little dopamine snacks and offers a break (although studies show it’s not a restorative break) from our responsibility-laden minds.  

To be clear, screens have their place in modern society. It’s unavoidable. The biggest issue is that we’re trying to negotiate with an entity that’s solely focused on capturing your complete attention at the expense of your mental health and time.  

And it’s certainly not just technology that Catholic parents navigate. We must still contend with the usual suspects: underage drinking, drugs, sex, and more. 

The Perpetual “No” 

As Catholic parents, it’s our job to stand in front of the forces of the world attempting to steer our kids away from pursuing a life with Christ. Saying ‘no’ feels like the ever-present refrain as we’re forced to erect boundary after boundary around our families. It’s exhausting and, frankly, can suck the joy out of parenting, yet we know it’s what our parenthood vocation demands of us. 

The Intentional “Yes” 

I want to flip this mindset on its head a little bit. In a world that’s constantly giving us reasons to say no, what are we intentionally saying yes to?   

In a society that is constantly holding up the next shiny object of counterfeit fulfilment, how can we stop playing the game? How can we turn exhaustion into joy again?  

I will admit that I’m nostalgic for afternoons spent cruising the neighborhood astride bikes, the crickets chirping as the sun set, signaling it’s time to head home for dinner. Screen time was mostly relegated to gathering around the TV for TGIF, with commercial breaks offering a chance for family conversation in between Full House and Family Matters. 

There is beauty in finding age-appropriate responsibilities and freedoms we can grant to our kiddos. Ok, so we’re not offering unfettered access to technology, yet we can offer opportunities to exercise a little independence and foster confidence Who among us hasn’t, as a young teen, rollerbladed a couple of miles to McDonald’s with a few friends and five bucks in your pocket? 

Creating a Family Culture of Joy: The “Yes List” 

Our families are like little cathedrals: sacred spaces of hope and togetherness wherein the chaos of the world is muted and God is at the center. Within your own family cathedral, what are the experiences you're saying "yes" to? When kids lose themselves to scrolling social media for hours or sneak off to a party, at the deepest parts of their soul they are really craving connection and a sense of belonging. As parents we can foster those soul longings within our God-given family units and say ‘yes!’ to experiences that are life-giving.  

Getting Started on Your Family's Yes List: 

• Host a Family Meeting. We’re going to make this fun! Think ice cream sundae parties and family game nights. 

• Make a list. During your fun family night, take a moment to brainstorm a list of ideas everyone agrees they enjoy. Don’t pre-judge anything you write down — if you all agree, it goes on the list!  

• Connect each item on your list with something to say yes to. You will be surprised at your family’s creativity! Here are two examples from our list: “Dogs” evolved into participating in our local shelter’s program allowing volunteers to read to animals and help socialize them. “Hiking” became planning a trip to Sedona National Park (you can easily localize this one and look at nearby state parks).  

Working together on your family’s “yes list” creates ownership and investment for everyone. Let us know in the comments what your family dreams up together.  

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Copyright 2025 Katie Flodder
Images: Canva