There I Go Again, Lord

Louisa Ikena ponders her spiritual struggle with sin and offers a template of prayer that has helped her let go of scrupulosity, impatience, and anger.

I was walking on my treadmill, praying a Rosary. It was a Wednesday. I was praying the Glorious Mysteries. I accidentally prayed the fourth Luminous Mystery instead of the fourth Glorious Mystery. “Oops, there I go, Lord. I made a mistake.” Then I started to beat myself up for the mistake. “There I go again, Lord.” Then I proceeded to beat myself up for beating myself up. “There I go again, Lord.”

Why Does Temptation Come When I Am Most Vulnerable?

Right after my treadmill experience, a telemarketer called. The conversation immediately went south. I had absolutely zero patience or tolerance. I raised my voice to her. Yes, I yelled at a telemarketer. She is the one who hung up on me, instead of the usual inverse of me hanging up on her.

I stared at my phone. “There I go again, Lord.” I can say, “Lord, I’m sorry.” And in the moment, I mean it. And then I do it again and do it again. Can I possibly be just a fraction more gentle with myself this time than I was last time? And next time can I be even more gentle with myself?

That’s the best I can do for today. I pray to have God remove my character defects. But I have to be ready and willing to let them go. It doesn’t necessarily work for me to pray in generalities. An example of a general prayer along these lines is, “Lord, please take away all my sins.” For me, I need to name it and process it and actively surrender it. Some examples of this specifying prayer are in the details of dealing with my scrupulosity, impatience, and unhealthy anger.

My Prayer Against Scrupulosity

Lord, please remove my scrupulosity. The payoffs for me include looking righteous and attempting to be in control. The negatives for me include relentless negative self-talk and being less than gentle with myself. Lord, I surrender scrupulosity to You. I lay this sin at the foot of the Cross. Please restore me to being healthy, gentle, and right-sized.

My Prayer Against Impatience

Lord, please remove my impatience. The payoffs for indulging this character defect include falling into the easy path to it and avoiding the difficult path of practicing the opposite. The negatives for me include the harm impatience has caused myself and others. Lord, I am acutely aware that You are slow to anger, rich in kindness. I surrender my impatience to You. In Your time, please restore me to patience, compassion, and health.

My Prayer for Letting Go of Anger

Lord, I pray about my unhealthy anger. I admit I feel pleasure when I yell and say exactly what I want to say in a moment, in real time. The release is addictive. I want to surrender my unhealthy anger. The payoffs include experiencing a dopamine hit and intoxicating release. The negatives include harm to whomever I choose to vent my spleen to and being a poor witness of Christ in those moments. Lord, I surrender my unhealthy behavior in the midst of my anger. Restore me to center, where You are always ready to embrace me and help me.

Thank you, Lord, for Your gentle voice softening my heart as I say, “There I go again.”

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Copyright 2026 Louisa Ann Irene Ikena
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