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Rachel Watkins shares ideas for a family reboot to help move through changes with less stress and confusion.


How is your summer starting off? All things well? Children getting along marvelously? Chores done, meals a breeze? Regular date nights with the spouse? Of course not! On any given day, even the best parent will fall into bed wondering what went wrong.

It happens to all of us. There are outside forces such as illness, job changes or economy that push our family’s well-earned peace to its breaking point. There are inside forces at work as well. Our children readjusting to changes in the family (new baby, death of a beloved grandparent) and their own bodies (puberty) find each new day a new day to figure out where and how they fit.

Our home itself can cause disruptions. Whether it’s our methods of housekeeping/organization or the lack thereof, unintended stress and grumbling arrives. This stress not only affects ourselves but our children. The fighting increases, the volume rises on everyone’s part, the schedule is thrown amok, and before you know it we don’t even recognize our lovely children or ourselves anymore.

Of course, we can move through changes with success. We are excited and recharged by the newness of it all but just as often (especially with our children) change brings confusion and moods. They just don’t seem to know how to act anymore and they are relying on us to help them adjust.

 

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I recently had my own spate of those days brought on by three of my older children moving out within weeks of each other. I also spoke to a mom who said her children had seemingly lost the ability to do anything but scream at each other. We both realized it was time for a reboot for our families. Out in the world, rebranding is the ever-changing Dr. Who, while any user of Facebook has a very firm opinion on changes there. In our case, we needed a holy family revival!

It all starts with taking a hard look at what is working and what is not; an idea supported throughout Scripture. Changing from one direction and heading in a new one is what lead Abram out of Ur to become Abraham and helped Saul become Paul. Meanwhile, Romans 12 has us renewing our minds. In other words, if something is not working in your home, be humble enough to admit it and willing enough to change! If every room has descended into chaos, and harsh words have descended on your children, or between you and them, it is a sign to start anew.

 

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Rebooting your family will take place, again and again and again. It’s up to us to ensure it is a time of joy for the future and not anger about the past. #catholicmom

 

Beginning with prayer, especially to the Holy Family of Nazareth, what aspects of your home need a shift? Without striving for perfection or a direct imitation of other family (no matter how admirable), ask for God’s help in discovering your family’s unique vocation and charism. Our Church is blessed by the variety of orders of religious and need to be blessed by your holy family, no matter the size, look, or where you live.

And just as every religious orders has its own rules, it might be time to take a look at yours, ensuring everyone knows them. Of course, no name calling, violence, shirking of chores or other basic behaviors but it also might be time to declutter, deep clean or rearrange bedrooms.

With my own family it was time to refresh expectations now that half of the work force was gone. My husband and I made a plan and I planned another “How are we doing at life?” dinner. We talked about how everyone was feeling with favorite siblings gone. We listened to each other to decide what our family needed to celebrate and what needed to be changed.

 

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And that dinner reminded me of similar conversations over 30+ years of parenting. Early on it was blue-box macaroni cheese and hot dogs when sharing become impossible, and when they were older it was takeout pizza when reviewing chore and school expectations (again). In other words, rebooting your family will take place, again and again and again. It’s up to us to ensure it is a time of joy for the future and not anger about the past. Let it be another dimension of being open to life and how life is in your home.

Maybe pick a patron saint for this newest time and a Scripture to inspire you. Start anew, forgiving and forgetting past offenses along with parental promises that reminders would be given with patience and love as you strive to make our family a holy family.

My point? If things are rocky in your home it might be a sign for a family re-boot. Take it to God in prayer and to your spouse in conversation. Be strong and courageous and ready to put off your old self (Ephesians 4:22). There are great Catholic books/families to inspire you in their advice and experience. It might not be easy, but remember what the prophet Isaiah reminds us:

See, I am doing something new! Now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? (Isaiah 43:19)

 


Copyright 2022 Rachel Watkins
Images: Canva