When Parents Waffle

Caroline Godin contemplates the many questions of her parenting and hopes for her children to continue living their faith and lead good lives.

We do what we can as parents and we wonder if we’re too strict or too lenient, do too much or too little. I pray that God helps fill in the blanks. Nothing magnifies this more than parenting teens.

I have a freshman, a sophomore, and a kindergartener. Let me tell you, that little one is a gem to parent. I’ll take his tantrums—and there’s plenty—any day over the teen tantrums.

My daughter, the sophomore, can fly off the handle at a whim and none of us see the whim, know what the whim was, or know whim to blame. It’s confusing. Her anger and attitude cover her anxiety. It’s not something she’s willing to talk about. When she’s calm, I ask her what’s bothering her, but I know I’m not her person. It bugs me, but I often send my not-so-sympathetic hubby to talk to her. She’s a daddy’s girl, which is sweet. Someday, I hope we’re close again.

My older son is a different story. His anger manifests when he’s frustrated with himself, and he seldom lashes out. Nope, he’s an inward tantrum kid. This means he retreats into the dark recesses of his mind, feeling horrible and depressed. Thankfully, he’ll talk to someone. There’s a lot going on with him.

I waffle with both of them on what to do, how to handle it, and where to go for help. I’ve deepened my prayer life for sure! I pray 1-2 Rosaries a day and several routine short prayers morning and night. I ask Mama Mary for help, and Saint Monica, Saint Peter (my patron saint), and now Saint Rose (my daughter’s chosen Confirmation saint).

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I have so many questions, if only someone could answer them. Do they have too much screen time? Do I restrict too much? Do I not feed them the right nutrients? Should I force it or not? Am I loving them correctly in a way they need or a way they’ll receive? Is that the same or isn’t it? Am I instilling faith in them or pushing them away?

So. Many. Questions.

What parent doesn’t think about some of these questions from time to time?

While my daughter may not embrace her faith these days, she’s confessed she still believes. Her journey is her own and I need to breathe through that. I’m here when she needs me and will continue to lead by example as much as possible.

My older son is still faithful and participates in ministry with me so long as it’s not in the spotlight. He’s willing to pray and clutch Rosaries. We prayed a novena together for a particular issue recently. There’s so much more I wish I could offer him—both of them—but the best for now is prayer.

I go between “Do your own laundry” to “Let me help you fold that.” I’m flip-flopping from “Go eat something” to “What can I make that you’ll eat?” I’m sure I had more independence by their age, but I’m also not convincing them to do anything by being a tyrant.

I must sound so inconsistent.

Click to tweet:
I have to trust in the faith I gave them early on. I have to trust that God will guide them when I’m not there or they reject me. #CatholicMom

In reality, I stick to my rules and whatever consequences I lay out. It’s just that in my head I can’t decide if I’m doing things right. But do I expect to have perfect children? Not from this girl! With my, er, personality and energy, and my husband’s, um, attitude … No, these are absolutely the kids we should expect.

I just hope they grow into the qualities God gave them in a positive way. My daughter could conquer the world if she only had the confidence and drive. I pray she discovers it one day. My son could tame a lion if he could find his courage. He will someday.

I have to trust in the faith I gave them early on. I have to trust that God will guide them when I’m not there or they reject me. It’s so hard sometimes, but I can’t live their lives for them.

As for the little guy, who we lovingly call the mayor… He’ll be fine. He’s grown accustomed to the zoo. I have noticed a temper streak in him, but I hope I’m a bit more experienced by the time he’s a teen.

Mamas, and dads, it’s okay to doubt yourself, just don’t doubt God. Keep leaning on Him and trusting His ways. We don’t get to write our kids’ stories, but we do get to be supporting characters. Be the supporting character your kids need and keep praying for them. Your foundation of faith will get them where they need to go, even if they get a little lost along the way.