Yearning to Be Seen and Known

Maria Morera Johnson ponders the need for eye contact: with each other, and with the Lord.

“We all wear masks, metaphorically speaking.” Dr. Neuman, The Mask

The 1994 slapstick comedy, The Mask, starring Jim Carrey, is as ridiculous today as it was almost 30 years ago. I try not to think too much about the passage of time! After all these years, I still find myself quoting Dr. Neuman’s rather accurate assessment of the human condition. We’re always covering up something about ourselves. 

In this covid era of mask-wearing, I find myself hearing Ben Stein's laconic delivery in my head whenever I find myself in public surrounded by people wearing masks. We all wear masks, literally, these days, but we've been wearing metaphorical masks most of our lives, haven't we? We keep our cards close to our chest. We keep our lips sealed, never wanting to give the game away. Mask or no mask, we work hard on keeping a poker face. 

Maybe that works for some of us, but I think, in the end, our eyes give us away.

Our eyes animate our faces. A smile is lifeless if the eyes don't cooperate, and even the sternest look can be softened with a wink. Entire conversations can be had with just a knowing glance.

As a society, we moved away from making eye contact, and it is costing us much in the development of deep relationships. Our eyes are often cast down perpetually locked on our devices. The ever-present phone holds our undivided attention even when we are actively involved in a conversation with someone in front of us. We see our screen light up, and we quickly glance at our wrist or the phone, interrupting the present for the intrusion.

We are losing the art and the pleasure of sustaining eye contact. It's not just a shame but probably detrimental to our emotional health.

We need to see and perhaps more importantly, we need to be seen.

Babies who fail to make eye contact early struggle with making connections when they're older. Making eye contact establishes relationship. Conversely, looking away denies that connection. It's why we avoid eye contact when in the company of people we don't understand. We look away from those who are different and in doing so, deny their humanity by denying relationship. We find it difficult to sustain prolonged eye contact in certain circumstances because it makes us uncomfortable. It's why we look away when we're caught in a lie.

Gazing deeply into someone’s eyes makes us vulnerable. The eyes, after all, are the gateway to the soul. I'm often reticent to keep that gate open.

I am surprised to find that when mask-wearing became the norm in certain circumstances, we started actively looking into people’s eyes, searching for understanding the elusive mumbles and missed words. I realized how much I looked at mouths and facial expressions when talking, and how devastatingly difficult it must be for persons depending on lip reading to help augment their understanding. I naturally turned to a deeper gaze, hoping to find in a look what I needed to understand.

Somehow, making eye contact became easier—or at least more necessary. Studies have shown that smiles and other responses covered up by the masks are still revealed through the eyes. 

Don’t we all yearn to understand and be understood? 

The human gaze sees with the heart as much as the mind.

I have seen your eyes with my eyes. I have put my heart next to your heart.
(St. John XXIII)

In this moment in history, we are wracked by isolation and the loneliness that comes from limited human contact. St. John XXIII’s quote speaks deeply to me. We don’t just yearn to be seen or understood – we yearn – we need to be known.

Consider how we respond with joy when we make eye contact with a loved one. Consider, too, how special this gaze becomes when it comes from our Lord!

Click to tweet:
The human gaze sees with the heart as much as the mind. #catholicmom

We may feel, for a moment, the thin protection a mask offers. We may even hide behind the metaphorical masks we create to protect ourselves when feeling vulnerable. But, there is one place where we can be completely vulnerable and safe. Completely seen. Completely understood. Completely known.

Completely loved: in the presence of our Lord before the Blessed Sacrament.

Take a breather today. Let down your guard and the mask of your making, and rest in the gaze of the One who loves you.

Copyright 2022 Maria Morera Johnson
Images: Canva Pro