You Don’t Have To: Gentle Guidance for Moms

Denise Jelinek encourages you to release yourself from the feeling of obligation and embrace what God reveals He wants for you. 

As we step into 2025, I want to offer you something liberating: the permission to just NOT. That’s right: to not do it, whatever “it” is. Simply considering that you don’t have to do something can begin lifting the heavy burden of obligation. 

Initially, your brain might resist, listing all the reasons why you must do it. But I promise you, you don’t have to. Let’s explore this thought to reveal to you just how much of your life is truly your choice. 

"I have to volunteer for every parish event." 

How do you feel when you think, “I have to volunteer”? Overwhelmed? Resentful? What if I told you that you don’t have to? Your brain might argue, “But they need me. If I don’t do it, who will?” 

While serving your parish is wonderful, you don’t have to do everything. Sometimes, saying no creates space for someone else to step up. It also allows you to serve from joy rather than obligation. 

When you give yourself permission to not volunteer for every event, you might discover which ones you genuinely want to help with. That’s the difference — choosing to help out of love, not from fear of disappointing others or obligation. 

"I have to make homemade meals." 

Do you feel pressure to prepare a homemade dinner? On busy days, this can feel impossible. But here’s the truth: You don’t have to. There’s no rulebook that says ordering pizza or reheating leftovers means you are a bad mom. 

Your brain might say, “But homemade meals are healthier,” or “It’s part of being a good mom.” Sure, cooking at home can be great, but it’s not mandatory. Allow yourself shortcuts when needed and trust that God sees your efforts to care for your family in many ways. 

"I have to keep my house spotless." 

A clean house matters, but not at the expense of your peace or time with loved ones. You don’t have to fold laundry perfectly or scrub baseboards weekly. Your home doesn’t need to be Pinterest-perfect to be a place of love and peace. 

When your brain insists, “I need a clean house for my family,” pause and ask: Am I cleaning to serve my family or to meet societal expectations? Tidying together or letting things slide temporarily can be just as loving. Choose what truly matters. 

"I have to say yes to every playdate or social event." 

In today’s culture, moms (of all stages) can feel pressured to maintain packed social calendars for their kids. But you don’t have to say yes to every invitation. Sometimes, staying home and enjoying quiet family time can be more restorative. 

Your brain might argue, “But my kids will miss out,” or “People will think I’m rude.” These thoughts are normal, but they don’t have to dictate your choices. Prioritize what’s best for your family and your well-being without guilt. 

"I have to pray a full Rosary every day." 

Prayer is essential in Catholic life, but even here, grace abounds. If you feel overwhelmed by the idea of completing a full rosary daily, remember: You don’t have to. God treasures every heartfelt moment you spend with Him — whether it’s a decade of the rosary, a Hail Mary, or a quiet reflection. 

Your brain might say, “I’m not doing enough.” Instead, remind yourself: You’re doing what you can in this season, and that is enough. Let go of pressure and embrace peace through authentic, joyful prayer. 

A year of freedom 

Imagine embracing 2025 with a mindset of “you don’t have to.” By questioning the thoughts that create pressure, you’ll see much of what you do is a choice. You can choose to volunteer, cook, clean, socialize, or pray in ways that align with your values and bring peace — not because you feel chained to “musts” and “shoulds.” 

You’re not a victim of your to-do list. You are a beloved daughter of God, capable of creating a life filled with intention and grace. 

As you navigate this year, remember: You don’t have to do it all. And that’s okay. 

If this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. Let’s make 2025 a year of joyful choices guided by the Holy Spirit. 

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Copyright 2025 Denise Jelinek
Images: Canva