I guess I’m not like most women. Although I have been on my own with my children for more than five years now, I couldn’t be happier than I am being alone. I have a happier and better life by myself than I did with a partner.
Friends, coworkers and acquaintances try to interest me in meeting men and going out. I don’t want to!
My fondest wish, my fantasy, is to be a stay-at-home mom. Unfortunately, I must be a full-time, work-outside-the-home mom so that my kids and I do not have to live in a cardboard box under the freeway.
I am out of reach from my children more than they or I would like. I am not present or available many times when they need me, and they are on their own while I am at work after school and on school holidays and their summer vacations.
I do not desire to “meet anyone” and become even busier and more preoccupied than I already am.
Having no interest in dating is incredibly liberating! Before I met my husband, whenever I met a guy, I always wondered in the back of my mind what he thought of me. Was he attracted? Was I making a good impression? Did he like me?
Now it simply does not matter, and I feel FREE. No wondering, no distraction, no flirting. I am friends with male coworkers, and it is very comfortable when there is just friendship with no question of “what if…” in the mix.
With no dating, I have no temptation to be with a man outside of marriage. I am happy to “avoid the near occasion of sin.” In choosing a chaste life, I feel free. I know I said that before, but it’s huge. In being true to Jesus, He does more for me than any man could.
Sometimes I have wondered whether my independence is just a sin. I like being my own boss and not having to answer to anyone. I like solitude. I enjoy being alone. I don’t want a husband. Is that selfishness and pride?
But then I think about our Blessed Mother. After she lost St. Joseph, Mary did not want another husband either. Her choice is my choice. She makes me feel validated.
I understand most people want a special bond with someone. A “soulmate.” Someone to grow old with.
I love those people. I love married couples. I hope both my children marry holy spouses and stay married.
But for myself, I don’t want it. Jesus is the only soulmate I want.
I will have old lady friends to grow old with and play Bunco!
God has blessed me with an independent nature, and I am making the most of it. I am enjoying my freedom and independence.
Are you or someone you know a single Catholic mom? What do you think about dating, remarrying or choosing to live a chaste life?
Copyright 2013 Deborah Shelby
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