

Be careful! You may be addicting your child!
One of these days I watched an excerpt from an interview by psychologist Leo Fraiman where he talks about the "Emperor's Syndrome," which briefly means parents' attitude of wanting to make their children happy by fulfilling their wishes. I would like to comment on some aspects of this video, adding a little of the supernatural vision, because this reflection is very necessary these days. First, we need to be aware that there is no full happiness in this world. This kind of fulfillment will only happen when we are one day in the presence of God in Paradise. Until then, what we have here are happy moments that come and go. Thus, it is impossible to make our children fully happy. Parents who try to provide a state of constant happiness for their children by fulfilling all their desires are actually creating selfish people who will always be frustrated and dissatisfied. And worse: by providing an immediate pleasure that did not require any effort from the child, they may be addicting their children in this kind of feeling, so that when they grow up and see that the world does not treat them in the same way, they will seek this pleasure in alcohol, drugs, or promiscuity. This behavior of parents is a reflection of the ideology that hangs in our society where we are stimulated to seek pleasure and escape pain. Our brains are already programmed for it like animals, but as humans, who have intelligence and will, we have the ability to deny a pleasure if we see that it will be good for us or for the other. And this capacity only human beings possess. This ability is what we call love. Only those who have learned to renounce themselves for the good of the other can love. This is very serious. Parents have a serious duty to educate their children to live well in society, to know that they have responsibility for the common good, that they have duties and not only rights. The way to learn this is through frustration of desire, learning to wait, knowing that you need to contribute in some way to the good of the family (small home chores), responsibility for study and good school performance, to respect the authority of parents and teachers. And with maturity, children also need to learn to love, to sacrifice themselves for the good of their parents and siblings, so that one day they can also sacrifice for the good of their husbands or wives and their children. To experience the feeling of happiness, we must also experience the feeling of sadness, of frustration. Our experience comes from contrast. White appears best against a black background, and vice versa. We will only know what true joy is in possessing something if it cost effort. We were created to love and be loved, but to love requires sacrifice, self-giving, detachment from one's own likes and whims. We know that we are loved when we see the other sacrificing for us. And the sooner we teach this to our children, the easier they will learn. The longer they stay focused on themselves, demanding everything and at all times, and having those wishes promptly carried out by their parents, the harder it is to really learn what love is. We need to take great care not to cripple our children, to take away their ability to be full and accomplished people. And it costs a lot of effort on the part of the parents. It takes time, patience and lots of love, true love, where parents give up the pleasure of rest, television, the internet, going out with friends, or traveling, for the sake of their children, to teach them to be people capable of loving. And it is only by loving that we are truly happy, with the maximum happiness we can have in this life.Copyright 2019 Flávia Ghelardi
About the Author

Flávia Ghelardi
Flávia Ghelardi is the mom of four, a former lawyer already "promoted" to full time mom. Flávia published her first book FORTALECENDO SUA FAMÍLIA and is a member of Schoenstatt´s Apostolic Movement. Flávia loves to speak about motherhood and the important role of women, as desired by God, for our society. She blogs at www.fortalecendosuafamilia.blogspot.com.
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