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I could not have imagined what craziness would be taking place in our lives right now. I should have guessed that something was up with me, for the first time in almost 30 years of writing, I missed two deadlines and missed two days of work at my job at the church. I was in pain and exhausted. I chalked it up to stress.
After all, three of my children have gotten engaged recently and we have three weddings in the next ten and a half months! We have been looking for a new house for about four years and the day our youngest graduated from high school, we found one. In this market, we had to move fast. We are now in the process of getting our current home ready to put on the market. We have twenty years and 8 kids' worth of stuff to clean, sort, and organize. It is more difficult than we could have imagined.
My foster son and family moved out of state. Oh, and did I mention my daughter is having surgery … it must be stress, right? Wrong, I have an autoimmune issue. It felt like the straw that broke the camel’s back.
In prayer, I cried out to the Lord, “I can’t do all this!” He answered me, “Trust me, For I know the plans I have for you … to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11) I understood that the Lord is trying to give me a lesson in true detachment.
I needed to detach from my desire to keep my kids near me, from our stuff and our house, from my own expectations about work and writing and yes, even from my own physical well-being. It is not easy. Several times a day I breathe and say, “Jesus, I trust in you.” I have found comfort in a few good friends who have gone through many of these life events and support me as I walk in this new life. I turn to the sacraments and Adoration to find strength to face each day. I am working on thanking God for each thing and person I must detach from (repeatedly, because it is a hard lesson).
I imagine, that a year from now, I will look back feeling lighter and at peace. I recognize that God will give me what I need for my future and he will remove from me anything that blocks my path to him. I pray that I will have the grace to accept what he plans.
Copyright 2019 Mary Lou Rosien
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