Ask Me Anything

Maria Riley wanted an open channel of communication with her daughter, and she got it in a very unexpected way.

I’m a mom of four girls who are less than four years apart, which means I am quickly approaching several consecutive years of four teenage girls in my house. Yes, I appreciate the prayers, and I know that I will need them. But it’s not the hormones or screaming matches that I’m most worried about, what keeps me up at night is if my girls go through something really difficult and they don’t come to me.

I decided to start the open communication channels long ago. I began reminding them often that they can come to me about anything. I wanted them to know that no matter how big or how bad, I would love them and help them. I even started dialogues about how babies are always a blessing, no matter what.

A few years ago, when my oldest was eight, I found a beautiful opening. During a rare one-on-one moment driving her home one day, I chose to reinforce these themes. I told her as I drove, “You know you can come to me about anything, right? I will never lie to you, and you won’t ever be in trouble for anything you ask me.”

null

“Mom,” she replied a little nervously, “there is something I’ve been wanting to ask you.” My heart rate accelerated. Was she going to ask about God? Or boys? Or periods? Or death? It was working, I thought to myself. She’s gonna feel safe asking me about the big things. I’m nailing this mom thing.

“What is the f-word?” she asked.

“Huh?” I replied, dumbstruck. This was not what I was expecting. Yet I had backed myself into a corner. I had promised honesty and to welcome all questions. How could I have expected this to be the first one?

So I did what any good mother would do when driving alone with her eight-year-old: I taught her the f-word. I explained that she was never to repeat it, and that some people use this language to act like they’re cool, but in reality, it’s because they lack the vocabulary to express themselves adequately. I told her that I knew she was mature enough to handle this knowledge and to know the word without using it.

Click to tweet:
We can’t shelter them forever. All we can do is choose to be the one giving them accurate, faith-informed answers to what this world is going to throw at them. #CatholicMom

The most amazing thing I did was prove to her that she could come to me about anything, and I would answer her honestly. Because as Catholic moms, we have to remember that our kids are going to learn these things. We can’t shelter them forever. All we can do is choose to be the one giving them accurate, faith-informed answers to what this world is going to throw at them.

My daughter is now twelve, and since that car ride, we have spoken openly about sex, pregnancy out of wedlock, homosexuality, gender dysphoria, and a myriad of other issues. The conversations are not always easy, but they are always worth it. I continue to pray that I remain a safe person for all of my daughters to talk about anything. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I will keep having the uncomfortable conversations with my kids to raise them to navigate this world we live in.

null