The Gift of Accepting Help

Maria Riley shares the unexpected blessings of letting friends help when she was in need.

My amazing sister-in-law, Betsy, lives surrounded by family. Her parents are less than two miles away, and she has a brother and countless cousins all within a short drive. She and her family have never moved from her hometown, and because of that, her support system is built into her life.

I, on the other hand, move to a new state every three to five years. Three states ago I lived near Betsy and her family, but since then, we haven’t had any family less than a ten-hour car drive away. I am happy for my sister-in-law who has such tremendous support, but I have often lamented that I don’t have the same for myself and my family.

Don’t get me wrong: there are times I really appreciate our diverse homestead locations. We get to experience different regions of the country and learn about different cultures. I have lived near the Rocky Mountains and the Atlantic Ocean. I’ve been immersed in the rich Mexican culture of San Antonio, and been neighbors with cows in the Midwest. I also love that when people come to visit it’s for overnight stays, and we are able to really relish the time we have together since it is limited.

There are also times, though, that I desperately wish I had family close to help. My husband travels for work, and the demands of four kids can be overwhelming on my own. This past spring, my husband started his new job several months before the kids and I could join him in our new town. I found myself without a co-parent for weeks at a time.

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I knew that this time would be challenging to say the least, so I made a commitment to myself that I stuck to: I would accept any and all help offered. Like so many other moms, I struggle to ask for help. I have yet to master that skill, though I am consciously working on it, but I knew that accepting offered help would be a step in the right direction.

As I talked myself into this new way of living, I reminded myself that if my mom lived in town, I would think nothing of her coming over and helping out when my husband was gone. Likewise, I would happily take my kids to my brother and sisters’ houses to have dinner and play with their cousins, relieving me of a night of cooking and cleaning. Since I didn’t live close to my biological family, I allowed myself to lean on my God-given family.

When a friend offered to bring me a meal, I said, “Yes, please. That would be amazing.” If someone told me she was going to the grocery and could pick up a few things for me, I responded with a few staples to get us through the next few days. I let my friends buy me a coffee or lunch, and always accepted if they invited me over for a visit. I accepted all the ways that God was reaching out to me through these thoughtful and selfless friends.

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I knew that this time would be challenging to say the least, so I made a commitment to myself that I stuck to: I would accept any and all help offered. #CatholicMom

I was comforted and some of my burden was alleviated thanks to their help, but something else happened that I didn’t see coming. Time after time, my friends told me that I was blessing them by accepting their help. This alone has helped me be willing to accept the help of others. When I accepted their gift or an offer for assistance, I (inadvertently) blessed the gifter with the practice of generosity. I know for myself, when I am able to support someone in need with a ride or a meal, I always feel good. By serving others, we not only are living the way Christ called us to, but we are also gifted by that feeling of satisfaction and joy at lending a selfless hand. As I accepted help from my friends, I was actually allowing them those gifts for themselves.

Another unexpected result from my willingness to be on the receiving end of generosity was this beautiful humbling experience. God reminded me that he made us for relationships, and regardless of what society says, we aren’t meant to do it alone. Some people have those relationships in extended family close by, but for those of us who don’t, we need to let God take care of us through the loving friends He has brought into our lives.

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