Autism, Grief, and Healing Through Relationships

Allison Brown reflects on the significance of belonging to a community where we feel seen and loved. 

The journey over the past 18 months has been challenging and filled with anxiety. My child, who has autism, often questions themselves, struggling to understand their own behaviours and emotional responses. It breaks my heart to watch my child cry in distress, asking why they feel different or sobbing because, in a moment of heightened emotion and frustration, they said something hurtful and believe they no longer deserve friends.  

As I patiently guide my child through their relationships and help them navigate the ups and downs, I am also learning the importance of finding one's own tribe: a supportive community of people. 

The Children Show the Way 

We recently celebrated a significant birthday milestone, an occasion that is always special in our house. There is always much anticipation as each child looks forward to reaching this milestone over the years.  

In the lead-up to the party, my child experienced a mix of excitement and anxiety. About an hour into the celebration, my child became overwhelmed by the noise and chaos and was almost in tears, wanting to leave. I encouraged them to let us sing "Happy Birthday," and I assured them that if they wanted to spend the rest of the party in the quiet foyer of the hall, that was perfectly fine.  

To my relief, they happily allowed us to sing "Happy Birthday." Then, in an instant, they shifted from feeling overwhelmed to feeling playful, diving face-first into the cake. This sparked a cake fight, with all the children laughing and chasing each other. It was indeed chaotic, but it helped my child let go of their anxiety and join in the fun. 

We managed to get through the rest of the party, and my child happily went home, eager to open all their gifts. 

As my child opened their gifts, they exclaimed with joy, "Oh, my friends knew I would love this!" while holding up another fidget toy they received. 

I asked, "How did your friends know you love fidget and squishy toys?" 

My child replied, "Because they know when I am struggling and feeling stressed in class, these fidget toys help me get through the rest of the day."  

I was genuinely overwhelmed by the kindness and thoughtfulness of my child's classmates. Since then, their friends have also stepped in to help them navigate conflicts with other peers, assuring them that everything will be okay. They have shown patience and understanding, and their actions have made a significant difference in my child's life.  

Seeing my child recognised and supported by their peers during challenges in the classroom brings me immense relief and comfort. The community's role in my child's life is not just about acceptance, but about active support and understanding, which is crucial for their well-being. 

Healing Through Community 

As a mother, to witness my child embraced by their peers in such a caring manner has helped me move through the grief and worry that comes with parenting a child with a disability. 

It has given us all a renewed sense of hope that there is kindness in the world and that the world is learning not just to accept or tolerate diversity on the autism spectrum, but to truly love, embrace, and express charity, empathy, and compassion towards those with an autism diagnosis. This journey is an inspiration to us all.  

While some of the worst pain we experience is often inflicted upon us by other people, the most healing experiences are also found through moments of sharing our story with another person who is willing to hold our hand and love us through our trials, including our grief. This shared experience is what connects us and brings us all closer together.  

I, myself, have received profound healing through finding my own community. I often marvel at how the Lord uses the people around us to allow His love for us to shine through them during our interactions. My prayer is that my child will continue to feel seen and loved by their peers and that God will shine through their peers the delightfulness and love He feels for my child. 

My Prayer for My Child

I pray that one day my child will remember these moments where they were seen and loved just as they are, and this will heal the uncertainties they have about themselves and give them the confidence to embrace who the Lord has meant for them to be, and to go forth, setting the world on fire! 

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Copyright 2025 Allison Brown
Images: Canva