Avoiding Favoritism: A Call to Justice and Love in the Family

Anne DeSantis offers a faith-filled reflection on how Catholic parents can foster fairness, prayer, and love in the home by avoiding favoritism.

As Catholic mothers, we long to love our children equally and fully. Yet, one of the more delicate challenges we may face — especially in larger families — is the perception or reality of favoritism. Whether it's expressed through a kind word, special attention, or more time spent with one child, favoritism can quietly disrupt family harmony and sow seeds of jealousy or resentment among siblings. 

The Catechism of the Catholic Church reminds us:

Respect for the human person entails respect for the rights that flow from his dignity as a creature. These rights are prior to society and must be recognized by it. (1930)

This respect and dignity must first be nurtured within the home, especially among our children. 

Here are three helpful steps to foster fairness and unity in your family: 

Reflect on Your Own Childhood 

Before we can fully understand how favoritism plays out in our families, it's wise to look back on our own family dynamics. Were we the “golden child” or the one who seemed overlooked? Did favoritism impact your relationship with your parents or siblings? 

In some families, especially those affected by dysfunction or poor communication, favoritism becomes an unhealthy pattern. Acknowledging how we were raised allows us to grow in awareness and compassion, and helps us choose fairness over bias in our own parenting. 

Speak and Act with Intention 

Quick reactions or emotional responses can sometimes come across as partiality, even if that wasn't the intent. It's important to pause, pray, and consider our words before speaking, especially in situations of conflict or discipline. 

Be intentional about spending meaningful one-on-one time with each of your children. Each child has unique gifts and needs, and our presence and attentiveness can help affirm their dignity. If one child is particularly challenging, respond with patience, not preference. 

Pray as a Family 

Favoritism isn't only a parental issue; it’s something siblings notice and internalize. Teach your children to pray for one another, to serve each other, and to value every member of the family, including the sibling who may seem “unpopular.” 

As parents, pray daily for the grace to love each child with the heart of Christ. Encourage unity by praying together as a family: at meals, before bed, and in spontaneous moments of need or joy. A home rooted in prayer is more likely to grow in peace and mutual love. 

Favoritism, even if subtle, can hurt children deeply. But with God’s grace, we can model justice, mercy, and compassion in our homes. Next time you're tempted to act in a way that favors one child, pause and ask the Holy Spirit for help in being fair and loving. 

Let us remember that every child is a unique image of God: worthy of our full attention and our best effort to love them as they are. 

May your home be a place where Christ’s presence reigns, and each heart is honored and cherished equally. 

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Copyright 2025 Anne DeSantis
Images: Canva