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Marya Hayes responds to a reader's question about making the effort to look beautiful for her husband.


A reader requested easy tips for moms to look pretty for their husbands and ways to help herself feel pretty. She was seeking motivation to work harder to look more put-together when her husband gets home.

I will try to address the question in spirit. We can all agree in advance that inner beauty is more important than outer beauty.

Women, similarly, should be dignified, not slanderers, but temperate and faithful in everything. (Timothy 3:11)

 

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She is more precious than corals, and no treasure of yours can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand, in her left are riches and honor; her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace; she is a tree of life to those who grasp her, and those who hold her fast are happy. (Proverbs 3:15-18)

 

We know that attraction is a component to relationships. That attraction between friends, acquaintances, and coworkers is based on many things ranging from humor and kindness, to work ethic and creativity. However, when it comes to our spouses, we are usually attracted on some level to their physical looks as well. That may or may not fade to a degree over time. But what most people do appreciate is an effort made by a spouse. After a period of time, you may only see that effort on date night, or when you go to an event with other people.

When most people go to Mass, they make an effort to be presentable both to God and to their fellow parishioners. What tends to irk me, and maybe some of you, is when God is the last thing people think of when they come to Mass. It is often apparent in what they chose to wear. We believe that an effort should be made for God because of our respect and reverence of Him. We want to show we care.

I am still almost newly married, for just under five years now. I’m nearly 53 years old, but I still do make an effort to be put together much of the time for my family. I want my family to know that I care and make an endeavor to be presentable. I think it’s good modeling for the children. Don’t get me wrong. My family sees me in pajamas. They see me sick. They see me without a shower and working hard in the home in “work clothes.” They see a side that I wouldn’t allow the public to see at the grocery store.

So here is where I strive. On many or most occasions, I take a shower in the morning, and then again when my husband says he is on his commute home. Over the day I have been sweating with indoor and outdoor work and, let’s face it, some stressors. In addition, I always brush my teeth and put on some perfume following my showers and right before he walks in the door. I want my kids and husband to always have that pleasant memory that mom/wife smells good and fresh. Feeling pretty is different for everyone, but smelling nice is part of feeling pretty for me.

 

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We all put effort into the things that we value and cherish. #catholicmom

There are clothes that my husband prefers, and I regularly choose those when he is around. They were already a part of my wardrobe, but pleasing your partner is fun. Also, keep it interesting and keep it different. Your husband is more likely to notice when you are in something different each time he comes home. You could wear pajamas that he likes one day, cute shorts and T-shirt another day, and workout tights later that week. Then you can surprise him and have a dress on one day. You can always couple that with some errands you run before he gets home so that you feel more efficient. Chances are that having variety is important to most people, even in marriage. You would probably get bored if your husband wore the same sweatpants and t-shirt every night after work.

Finally, makeup: Every man is different, and some men may prefer no makeup at all. But what they do like is a confident wife. I would encourage you to take a couple minutes to do just a couple things that will boost your look and confidence for your first encounter with your husband after his day at work. That could be putting some moisturizer on your face and cover-up on under your eyes or on blemishes. It could be a little eyebrow pencil and eyeliner, or a brush of blush and lip gloss. These things don’t take much time at all, yet you will feel a bit prettier without neglecting your kids or work.

We all put effort into the things that we value and cherish. We nurture things that we want to grow. And at the very least we water gardens that we don’t want to die. It makes sense that we would put some care into making ourselves more presentable to our spouses. Some may call it being a “pleaser,” but who isn’t happy when their husband notices her haircut, nails, outfit, beautiful skin, and so on? And every man wants a wife who is happy to see him when he comes home! That beautiful smile and hug/kiss coupled with whatever you managed to do before he got there is going to be welcomed. I say it’s a win-win!

 

You are beautiful in every way, my friend, there is no flaw in you! (Song of Songs 4:7) 

 

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Copyright 2022 Marya Hayes
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