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Shannon Whitmore reviews Mary Stanford's book on true freedom in marriage, new from Our Sunday Visitor.


I remember attending a Catholic wedding a few years ago where the couple chose Ephesians 5 as one of their readings. My husband and I were newly married ourselves, and as the lector read, I tried to discreetly examine the faces of the people gathered in the church. The soon-to-be husband and wife were devout Catholics, but many of their family members were not, and the bride had suggested that her reading choice might ruffle a few feathers.

As I glanced around, I could tell that she was right. I could hear the faint whisperings, see the narrowed eyes and pursed lips, and feel the overall sense of discomfort. Words like “submit” and “obedient” just didn’t sit well with most of the congregation. 

Most modern women squirm when marriage talks begin to address the need for submission and obedience from wives. Many people paint pictures of abusive husbands and doormat wives in their heads. The husbands are inevitably domineering, cruel, and unloving as they boss around their wives. The women, on the other hand, are weak-willed and go along with their husbands’ decisions, even when they don’t agree with them (or even think they’re stupid). Obedience and submission are loaded words in today’s culture, but as Mary Stanford in her book The Obedience Paradox: Finding True Freedom in Marriage so beautifully demonstrates, this doesn’t have to be the case. 

 

Obedience Paradox

 

The modern caricatures of the submissive wife do not get at the heart of what it means to be obedient. Mary Stanford does an incredible job of defining what obedience is and what it is not, what submission is and what it is not. She draws from modern psychology, exploring the physical and cerebral differences between men and women, as well as from Sacred Scripture, reminding us that the best representation of perfect obedience and submission is a woman who was entirely free—Mary, the virgin mother of God.

Mary Stanford offers a refreshingly new take on the age-old questions: What does it mean to be free? What is the value of obedience? What does St. Paul mean when he calls wives to be submissive to their husbands, or husbands to love their wives? 

The Obedience Paradox looks at all of these questions, and Mary Stanford provides what I would consider a very satisfactory response. If you’re unsure of the answers to any of those questions, or if you feel like the answers you’ve already been given just aren’t enough for you, I highly recommend that you read this book. Men will explore what it means to love their wives as Christ loves the Church, women will better understand what it means to be submissive, and all Christians will be reminded that we are called to be obedient to the One who created us and gave up His life to save us. Wives, read this book, and then be sure to give it to your husband too!

Ask for The Obedience Paradox at your local Catholic bookseller, or order online from Amazon.com or the publisher, Our Sunday Visitor.

 

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Copyright 2023 Shannon Whitmore
Images: Canva