Boundaries: Preserving my Family Tree

Allison Brown learns the significance of recognizing her true value and worth and passing important lessons about boundaries on to her children. 

Boundaries have played an essential role in my healing. 

I grew up not knowing any boundaries. As an adult, I had no idea what boundaries were. It was a light bulb moment when I realized I could say no and have every right to protect myself from people or situations. Growing up and even as a young adult, I was often led to believe that being a good Christian meant that I had to accept how other people treated me. I was constantly told to be the bigger person, even though by being the bigger person, my self-worth was slowly being crushed and torn apart. By being manipulated, my self-worth and dignity as a daughter of God were not respected or protected.  

I have spent most of my life pleasing people so as not to rock the boat. But I was silently screaming. I was slowly dying inside and struggled to function as a whole person. I constantly received the message that I was not worthy to be valued or cherished and that my well-being did not matter. I believed I had no value unless I pleased the people who had these expectations, gave in to manipulation, and continued relationships with harmful people. 

I am valuable and worthy of protection. 

As Jesus drew me closer to His heart and crowned me with strength and dignity, it became more apparent that steps needed to be taken to protect my new-found identity in Christ. 

Through prayer and discernment, it became abundantly clear that He was asking me to take the next challenging step so that I could continue to heal and grow.  

It wasn't easy, and it felt like something that went against every fiber of my being. It felt uncomfortable because it was different. I was stepping out of my comfort zone. 

Boundaries indicate that there is something valuable to protect. 

If I am the daughter of the Highest and Almighty King and I am so precious and loved by this King, who suffered for my transgressions, I am worthy of establishing boundaries to protect what God Himself has placed upon this earth: His precious and beloved daughter, me.  

Boundaries determine the perimeter of where something starts and something ends; boundaries also signify where I begin and end. As a daughter of Christ, I was uniquely made to be an individual, not owned or held in spiritual ties by anyone. God gave us free will to choose Him freely. He does not force Himself upon us. We can then assume that our free will extends to our earthly relationships and to those we determine may have access to us within our lives. 

My children are valuable and worthy of the same protection. 

As a mother, I must lead by example and teach my children their worth and value as a beloved child of God. I desire for my children to find the same freedom and love that I have experienced by placing boundaries in my life. It has been hard work, but I have been determined that everything I have experienced in my life due to generational trauma, abuse and lack of boundaries is going to end with me. 

In the last couple of years, as I have worked on establishing boundaries in all areas of my life, I have been amazed by how my children develop boundaries with the people around them. They learn and understand their value and worth as they develop their boundaries. They also understand that their peace and well-being are worthy of protection.  

Recently, my 14-year-old son established some clear boundaries with a peer at school who was making fun of the Catholic faith and aiming this at my son. My son thought about it and decided this wasn't something he would allow. He sent his peer a very clear message stating that he could not be friends with someone who mocked his faith, and then he blocked him. This peer later apologized upon realizing the damage he had caused. 

My older children have also been learning to establish boundaries regarding drama among peers, friendship circles, and the opposite sex. 

As they grow and mature, they understand their right to protect their dignity. When my children's limits were tested, and their dignity or peace was threatened, they remained firm in enforcing their boundaries.  

I sigh in relief as I witness my children's sound understanding of boundaries at such young ages. I thank the Lord for guiding me in implementing boundaries, preserving our souls, and protecting our family tree for future generations.  

God wants us to "preserve our souls." That is the role of boundaries; they define and preserve our property and our souls. (Henry Cloud & John Townsend, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life) 

Reflection:

Do you know what boundaries are and what they are not? Is there an area in your life that needs boundaries? 

The Lord desires us to have healthy and holy boundaries. Is the Lord asking you to place boundaries where they are needed so you are free to become who God is calling you to be? 

Recommended Resources: 

Books

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud, John Townsend 

Boundaries In Marriage by Henry Cloud, John Townsend 

Course

Avila Institute, SSF 124 – Purification of Your Fiat: Let Your Yes Mean Yes and Your No Mean No 

This course examines the transformative concepts presented in Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend through a Catholic perspective. Applying these concepts to the interior life and your own fiat, learn how to identify your own boundary issues, explore the importance of setting healthy boundaries for progress in prayer, gain deeper self-awareness and discern where God may be calling you to purification and growth as His beloved child. 

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Copyright 2024 Allison Brown
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