Choosing Forgiveness: Unleash the Power of God’s Grace

Melissa Presser learned that forgiveness is an intentional act after reading 'Choosing Forgiveness.'

This Lent, I prayed for the book that I needed and not the one that I wanted. God sent that to me in Choosing Forgiveness: Unleash the Power of God’s Grace by Father Thomas Berg and Dr. Timothy Lock. It has always been difficult for me to understand how you could use intention that stretches past your emotion to simply choose forgiveness. In sheer artistry and in perfect concert together, Choosing Forgiveness allows you to hear a deeply needed and logical perspective on forgiveness from both a priest and a psychologist. Truly, this book is the answer to all of our prayers!

Choosing Forgiveness cover

This Lent I struggled with forgiveness, again and again putting it off for another day. I would reason with myself and tell God that when it’s time I’ll know. I was too hurt to seek further help and too stubborn to receive God’s words of forgiveness. Father Berg and Dr. Lock gently usher in Jesus’ message that it is always time to forgive.

The thing of it is, when we think about forgiveness, we never think about it in stages or as a process. We are always told by others simply that we must forgive. This is a secondary harm that we receive which is also discussed in the book. Choosing Forgiveness upends that logic, daring to point out that forgiveness is first intentional, but second a process, and that we have permission to make it a process, even if that takes a lifetime. Father Berg and Dr. Lock walk with you through each stage of the process, what that looks like and how to do it, and all from a Catholic perspective. I felt so strong and encouraged with each page turn, as God cheered me on through their words that brought compassion and love to my heart. I felt so heard and seen. This book actually gave me the grace of excitement to once again pick up my cross and continue my journey with forgiveness.

Choosing Forgiveness gave me a foundation for building forgiveness and showing me where I was in that process. Rather than feeling lost and alone I felt guided in discipleship by the authors. The authors of this book imparted their wisdom on every page, but reading these words eased my aching heart.

I am able to forgo validation from my perpetrator because I have received validation in a more interior and intimate way. And this intimate affirmation of my being arises in the act of forgiveness: I will the perpetrator free- free of giving me anything- and I desire what is best for that person, namely his or her ultimate good.

What a freeing concept! That as my intentional act of forgiveness moves me forward, it gives way for all the things I thought I needed, like that apology I so desperately wanted to hear or the validation I thought I needed. The book makes it clear that this process we engage in when we move forward in our Lord’s will by choosing forgiveness brings us closer to Him as we do the work.

But by far, my favorite chapter is the second: the one that talks about self-forgiveness, which for so many of us is the hardest of all, (this is also the name of the chapter!). The authors remind us once again that, “As with forgiveness in all other cases, self-forgiveness takes an act of the will.” This reminds us that living our lives with intention includes ourselves. Of course, this is not easy to do. We can say that tomorrow we will do it, but then tomorrow comes and goes and we just don’t want to. It reminds me of that passage in the Letter of James,

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we shall go into such and such a town, spend a year there doing business, and make a profit”—you have no idea what your life will be like tomorrow. You are a puff of smoke that appears briefly and then disappears. (James 4:13-14)

Father Berg and Dr. Lock remind me, “In forgiving myself, I muster the courage to consider a new narrative.”

With the newness of Easter, I have stepped into hope and possibility. But without some sort of guidebook, how will we make good on our Lenten promises? We can preserve that by reaching for this book and following the instructions on how to live a lifetime of walking the path of forgiveness. An investment in Choosing Forgiveness is an investment in your freedom.

20220425 MPresser IG