Trust and Forgiveness

Louisa Ikena reflects and the interplay between trust and forgiveness with some practical thoughts on forgiveness of the head and forgiveness of the heart.

Jesus, I trust in You.

Trust is a powerful thing. It is not always easy to trust. In fact, frequently trust is hard. It is especially hard when people I have put my trust in have broken that trust. I think it is a common, if not universal, experience to be betrayed, at one point or another in our lives. That pain is very real and devastating. I have experienced the gift of forgiveness on both sides of the spectrum. I have experienced being forgiven after I broke another’s trust, and I have experienced forgiving others who have broken my trust. I do not claim the latter is easy in any way, shape, or form. Forgiveness is, however, worth it. I have been taught that unforgiveness is like drinking poison, expecting the other person to die. The poison, however, is extremely toxic, and it is killing me.

It is easy to have the head knowledge that I need to forgive and know that it is the right thing to do, but it is sure hard to actually forgive. The difficulty, for me, rises exponentially when the hurt still stings. When the hurt still hurts, forgiveness feels counter-intuitive. Then … I invite God in.

Without the grace of God, the act of forgiveness feels impossible. But with God all things are possible. Jesus knows what we are going through intimately. I voiced that it is very difficult for me to forgive when a hurt still stings. Jesus experienced excruciating pain on the Cross. And in that excruciating pain He voiced, “Father, forgive them. They know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). The echo down through time of those words leaves me speechless. It silences my meager mentions of hurts that sting.

null

I want to be like Jesus. I want to forgive.

There are times, in rigorous honesty, I do not want to forgive a specific person. But even then, I want to want to forgive. There are layers to this process. And I have found that God meets me exactly where I am. If the step I am taking towards forgiveness is too far for me right this second, I take a smaller step, and I ask God to soften my heart. That has been my process with forgiveness: acknowledge where I am, take small steps, and pray that God softens my heart.

It is also helpful and essential for me to remember how much and how eagerly I have been forgiven. Every experience of the Sacrament of Reconciliation strengths that knowledge inside of me. When we pray the Our Father, we say, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” That line convicts my heart every time.

Coming back to the topic of trust, I believe trust and forgiveness are intricately linked. To be hurt is part of the human experience. More and more I want to trust in Jesus. Therefore, more and more I want to forgive.

null

I perceive there is a forgiveness of the head and a forgiveness of the heart. Forgiveness of the head is a conscious choice. I choose to give up the courtroom drama in my head. The courtroom drama, in my imagination, involves playing every role in a court. I get to be the judge, jury, lawyers, and victim. I play the drama in my mind every time, from every angle, and I win every single time in every conceivable way.

But the courtroom drama is poisonous. Forgiveness of the head is a choice, with God’s help, to give up the courtroom drama that only breeds more and more resentment. In contrast, forgiveness of the heart can only come with time and through prayer. It cannot be forced or faked. It involves the grace to fully forgive and let go completely. I am not in control of the timing of forgiveness of the heart. I am in control of praying to God fervently to soften my heart more and more.

Lord, I pray that I might trust You more and more each day. Please prepare both my head and my heart to forgive more and more. No matter what happens in my life, I know You are with me. Thank you for the gift of forgiveness. Today and always, Jesus, I trust in You.

Share your thoughts with the Catholic Mom community! You'll find the comment box below the author's bio and list of recommended articles.

null