Cinderellas and Night Owls: What Parenting Taught Me About Letting God Work in My Life

Lea McCarthy draws a parallel between the way parents must react to personality differences in their children and God’s response to our individuality. 

At the beginning of this year we had our second child, a little girl. I’m telling you this for two reasons. For one, this new life situation taught me some deeper insights that I would like to share with you. Second, I want to make sure you understand that any sub-par writing is obviously because I’m sleep deprived and haven’t had an adult conversation other than “please pass the green chile” since January.

Now that we are all on the same page, let’s dive in.

They’re Siblings, Not Twins

We thought since we already had one kid, the second one would be a cinch. In a way, round two has been easier since some things between babies are universal (diaper changes, swaddling, and the like). However, in these four months our little one has been with us, she is already challenging us to think outside the box because she has different needs than her big sister.

For instance, our toddler would stop nursing when she was too full or pull away if the milk came too fast. Our new little one attacks her meals like nursing is an Olympic event in which she’s defending her national honor. (She comes from German and Irish stock. Need I say more?) She nurses vigorously and has a high need for comfort sucking, so in the evenings when she’s tired, she either ends up drowning in milk or getting a tummy ache from being too full. This, of course, makes her dissolve into tears. We found that if we use a pacifier when she’s tired and has already nursed well, she’s able to calm down and avoids tummy troubles.

Sleep was another way in which we had to accept that our baby needed a different approach than her big sister. Our little gal is very reasonable during the night hours, but in the evening she is like Cinderella at the ball: If kept out past a certain time, all the finery turns into pumpkins and the magic is over. My husband and I couldn’t figure out why she was so fussy in the evenings. We eventually realized it was because we were keeping her up until we were ready to go to bed, like we did with our first child. Once we understood that our second baby was getting overtired, we adjusted our little one’s bedtime to 7 PM — and the evening fussiness improved drastically.

Accepting Ourselves as God Made Us

Father Jacques Philippe, a gifted teacher on prayer and the spiritual life, wrote the following:

Let’s begin with some ideas on the slow process of learning to love ourselves correctly, fully accepting ourselves just as we are. First of all, the most important thing in our lives is not so much what we can do as leaving room for what God can do. The great secret of all spiritual fruitfulness and growth is learning to let God act. “Apart from me, you can do nothing,” Jesus tells us…[God’s] grace does not operate on our imaginings, ideals, or dreams. It works on reality, the specific, concrete elements of our lives…The person God loves with the tenderness of a Father, the person he wants to touch and to transform with his love, is not the person we’d have liked to be or ought to be…We must accept ourselves just as we are, if the Holy Spirit is to change us for the better. (Interior Freedom, 32-33)

Your Individual Calling to Holiness Works with How God Made You

So how do my recent parenting discoveries relate to Father Jacques Philippe’s words of wisdom? If we tried to make our daughter conform to the schedules and modes of caring that worked for her sister without acknowledging her own ‘weaknesses’, she would be miserable (and we would too, for that matter).

The acceptance Father Jacques Philippe spoke of first requires an honest self-inventory, both of our flaws and also our strengths. To acknowledge that one needs help takes humility, and it’s much more comfortable to portray to the world — and to God — that we are competent and confident. If we fail, our tendency should not be to immediately get discouraged, thinking “I should be better at this” or “I shouldn’t be falling into this same sin again and again”. That’s spiritual pride rearing its ugly head!

It’s never up to us and our willpower to conquer our weaknesses; it’s all “learning to let God act” (Interior Freedom 32). We must be merciful with ourselves as part of that acceptance. As much as I would like to actually meditate on the Rosary while praying it, my mind is usually all over the place. But you know what? God can work with that, as long as I give Him permission to act in my life.

We also need to accept how God wants to work in our lives. As parents, we know each child will require different tactics or need more help in certain areas than their siblings. If they are cared for according to their individual needs, they will flourish. For each of us, holiness will be achieved by God’s grace working in our lives according to our vocation, personality, and temperament.

God isn’t asking the same things of me that He asked of Saint Faustina. That’s probably because I’m not Saint Faustina! We shouldn’t worry about comparing our prayer life or charitable activities with others, as if there was only one way to achieve holiness. If some mode of prayer speaks to your heart, go for it! God has designed each of us to have an unrepeatable relationship with Him, and the nuances of your journey with Him will look beautifully different than someone else’s.

Ask Yourself:

Are you a Cinderella or a Night Owl? Do some prayerful reflection on what your virtues and vices are. Familiarize yourself with the ways in which God habitually speaks to you. Make moral self-inventories often, and go to Confession to get graces to rise above your weaknesses (and don’t beat yourself up either). If we are open to the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives by living humbly and at peace with ourselves, God will meet us where we are and then take us to the heights.

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Copyright 2026 Lea McCarthy
Images: Canva