Everyone Wins

In a season of parenting teenagers, Andrea Bear learned a valuable lesson on how to work together — from a mom with toddlers. 

Dishes piled in the sink and baskets of unfolded clothes greeted me as I walked through the door one late Tuesday evening. My husband would be home soon, and the last thing I wanted him to see was the house in disarray. My three teenage daughters sat in the living room watching a show, unphased by the mess. I proceeded to ask one of my daughters to unload the dishwasher so I could refill it with the dirty dishes.

“Sure, Mom, no problem.” She headed toward the kitchen. I looked over at my other teen, Lizzie, and asked her to fold a load of laundry piling up, but I was met with immediate resistance.

“I did a load yesterday. It should be Rena’s turn,” she replied.

I now understood why the house was in disarray. None of my kids had taken the opportunity to initiate chores. Tasks weren’t done unless they were assigned and fairly distributed. But I had not set up my house as a democracy. A smidge of resentfulness emerged because the kids would not take it upon themselves to see a task needed to be done. This was partly my fault, because I had failed to set up a schedule and routine. I also realized I had failed at something bigger: I hadn’t taught them the value of self-initiation. I had expected they would “just know.”

An Attempt to Resolve the Situation

That night after my husband arrived home, we had a family meeting and discussed the issues. The girls acknowledged that chores needed to be done, but with busy schedules none had communicated and there was also the belief if they individually did tasks, the other siblings wouldn’t be held accountable. “Why should I do chores, when the others don’t do half as much?” became the shared view.

As we tried to resolve the issue and stress regular chore completion, one of my daughters suggested a schedule where tasks rotated by date on the calendar. While I was not oppose to this idea, it still didn’t address the problem of self-initiation. They would do the work only out of obligation, but not because they saw the need.

Thinking about this the next, day, I shared my frustration in a phone conversation with my friend Scarlet. Before I could finish telling her the whole story, Scarlet finished the conversation with one phrase. “Everybody wins. That’s the motto in my house.”

Thinking About Families, Not Individuals

Scarlet was in a different season of parenting, with three at home under the age of six years old. She had adopted the motto "everyone wins." Fights would erupt over who won at Candy Land and who got to pick the story for bedtime. She emphasized that no matter who works hard or is celebrated, it isn’t a single victory nor a single defeat, but when everyone participates, we all share in the matter.

Essentially what Scarlet conveyed was that in a family there is no individual success or individual struggle. Family implies more than one, therefore the problems and the rewards are shared. This simple idea stuck with her young children. Why hadn’t I thought to do something so simple to my own family?

Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have; God is pleased by sacrifices of that kind. (Hebrews 13:16)

I thought about this and realized she was right. When someone doesn’t do the chores, everyone suffers, but when someone does, we all benefit. And when we have individual successes, there is still a shared reward. When my youngest received an academic award at school, we all celebrated her efforts even though we ourselves hadn’t received the award. Doing chores, or any action for that matter, was shared when family was involved. This type of thinking needed to be embraced in my family.

What We Learn from the Parable of the Prodigal Son

As I reflect on this phrase everyone wins, it reminds me of the parable of the Prodigal Son in the Gospel of Luke (Luke 15:11-32). Jesus shows how the father in the story mourns his lost son but immediately celebrates upon his return, slaughtering his prized animal and throwing a party. The resentful devoted older son had served out of obligation and expected a reward for his devotion.

“He said to him, 'My son, you are here with me always; everything I have is yours. But now we must celebrate and rejoice, because your brother was dead and has come to life again; he was lost and has been found.’” (Luke 15:31b-32)

Whenever we serve God we win, and whenever we return to Him, we all win, because God does not keep the reward to Himself.

This is a reminder to me that we cannot stop working toward the reward of Heaven simply because others are not doing their part. We pray for them, we sacrifice without praise, and work for the Kingdom. Jesus shows us that sincere generosity done without seeking applause or praise carries a direct reward from God and when we do this, we bear great fruit. Everyone wins.

I hung up the phone that day and adopted this motto for my family. While chore schedules and better communication were also added, I reminded my children that their efforts were not about their own praise, and their own glory, nor should they be done out of spite. Our chore situation would not be perfect, but adopting the motto ”Everyone wins” gave more perspective and humility to our family, and it taught me to share the mindset of the end game.

Ultimately, our family is the reward. It’s just like the gates of Heaven; when one sinner is redeemed, everyone is cheering inside. Everyone wins.

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Copyright 2026 Andrea Bear
Images: Canva