Finding Consolation from Family Ties that Bind

In her ongoing series exploring grief after her husband's sudden death, Sherry Hayes-Peirce shares how family members and friends have comforted her.

I remember wondering in the first days of the death of my husband, whom you all now know as “Dude,” what would happen to my connections to family and friends? Our house, like many in the past four years, was a house divided politically, a division amplified by our differing races and political leanings. Some of his friends differed so dramatically that it made me wonder if we would remain connected with our connection being gone.

For Father’s Day a number of his friends came together to celebrate the holiday for a barbeque and I was invited to join. They also reached out to Brianna, Dude’s daughter, as she celebrated her first Father’s Day without her Daddy-O.

This month his family came together on Fourth of July Weekend for a family reunion and when he died they said that they wanted me to come even though he was gone. It was so wonderful to be there when they celebrated the announcement of another cousin having a baby and the 70th birthday of a cousin and the celebration of my granddaughter's first birthday.

My beautiful “Gifted Daughter” Brianna invited me to stay with her to spend three nights and four days with my grandchildren Addison and Cooper following the family reunion. I laid in bed with my grandson and my heart was filled with joy to hear him pray at night and it brought tears to my eyes too:

"Dear God, Bless Daddy, Mama, my Grandma, Grandpa, Nonna and Granddude in heaven, Gigi in heaven and everyone who needs you tonight. Amen!"

Family is not just through bloodlines, but through marriage and adoption, creating connections that bind just as tightly as a bloodline. My grandchildren love me and connect with me in such a special way.

shadows of a family on the beach

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Family is not just through bloodlines, but through marriage and adoption, creating connections that bind just as tightly as a bloodline. #catholicmom

As I have shared in previous posts my parish family has really connected with me and provided such comfort and consolation as I grieve the loss of my husband. In fact, my number of sisters has increased exponentially.

In this year of celebration for St. Joseph, who was not linked to Christ by blood but through the spirit I reflect on the Scripture:

So we, though many are one body in Christ and individually parts of one another. (Romans 12:5)

Just like our biological families, we all serve a role in connecting our families in various ways. I am the oldest of four siblings comprised of three girls and one boy. In times of crisis I have always been the one to take charge, but in this time of crisis in my life my brother has been my rock! He literally fed me when I couldn’t eat, and he slept over many nights when I couldn’t sleep.

Brianna, in the midst of her immense grief and incredible busyness with raising two kids under 3, reached out daily. My little grandson Cooper feels my sadness and verbalized “Nonna sad” and said he misses Grandude too. His hugs and saying he loves me is the best source of consolation for me. His biological connection to his grandfather keeps his memory alive as he looks so much like him and has so many of his mannerisms.

Now, in my 50s my mother and I spend time together doing some of the things “Dude” and I used to do. It really gives you a new perspective on the term “Mommy and Me time.” Knowing the importance of praying is probably the most valuable heirloom that she has given me and something we do daily, even if it’s just a texted scripture to pray and reflect on. This heirloom has been handed down from my great-grandmother Marie, my grandmother Helen, and now my mom. While I was visiting my grandson during the Fourth of July celebration when we put Cooper down for bed and I had the gift of hearing him pray and hope that it is a cherished heirloom that comes from me.

So many of us are curious about our bloodlines and it has grown into an industry, sprouting companies like Ancestry.com and 23 and Me. The revelations borne from these searches has changed the way families see themselves and their family trees. No matter how your blood lines flow if you are Christian it all flows from the same father, our Lord Jesus Christ.