How to Have a Holy Lent

Amelia Bentrup shares inspiration for keeping love foremost in your family's observance of Lent. 

Brace yourself: Lent is coming. I don’t know about you, but Lent always seems to sneak up on me. It feels as though just when we get the Christmas decorations put away and shovel ourselves out from a snowstorm or two (or three or five or ten, depending on where you live), then Lent is upon us. Maybe you have thought about your Lenten practices this year. Or maybe you haven’t. Maybe Lent always seems to catch you unprepared as it frequently does for me.   

Whether you have been thinking about Lent for the last few weeks or are just now realizing that it is almost upon us, here are some thoughts and inspirations as we embark on a new Lenten season. 

Lent is About Love  

Make it about others. 

Lent should be about serving others, not ourselves. It should be about growing closer to our family members and loving them better. This Lent, no matter your state in life, you should resolve to love those around you better. Give them more of your time, more of your attention, more of yourself. Just about everyone could give more of themselves. Our natural inclination is selfishness. This Lent, try to root out at least a tiny bit of that selfishness and become a more giving person.  

Practice self-donative love. 

I love that phrase, self-donative love.   

Self-donative love is the gift of self on behalf of another person. It is the life-giving love of the Trinity at creation. It is the love of Jesus Christ, especially at Calvary. It is the love which inspired the martyrs of the Church, and it is the love which is the heart of the marriage covenant. From this generous gift of self for the other flows the whole of the Gospel. (Most Reverend Robert J Baker, S.T.D, Bishop of Charlestown, May 29, 2005, “The Theology of the Body and Its Consequences for Ministry in the Diocese of Charleston”)  

What is self-donative love? 

Self-donative love is when you get out of bed to nurse a crying baby for the umpteenth time. Self-donative love is when you stay up late to spend time with your husband. Self-donative love is when you lie down with your toddler at night to help them fall asleep. Self-donative love is when you read that extra story or play that extra game. Self-donative love is when you carry your child who just wants to be carried or comfort the child who just wants to be comforted. Self-donative love is the giving of yourself to another person.   

Make a new friend. 

Just about everyone needs a new friend. This Lent, resolve to be friendly, to make a new friend or revive an old friendship. So many people are lonely and isolated and just looking for someone to reach out to them. So do it. The rewards are great and the risks are few. Invite someone over, take someone out for coffee or just spend a few minutes chatting after Mass. You just never know how much one small gesture of kindness could mean to someone else.  

Four Ways to Have a Holy Lent  

It's not about the sacrifice. 

It took me many, many years to learn this, but the point of Lent isn't to give something up just for the sake of giving something up. Fasting without prayer is just a diet. There is no point in giving something up, if you don't try to focus on Jesus during that time. The point of penance and sacrifice is to grow closer to God, to eliminate distractions and those things that separate us from God. The small amount of pain we feel when we make a sacrifice, can help bring us closer to God if we let it. If we just white-knuckle and suffer through, without actually turning towards prayer, we are just suffering for no reason.  

Do hard things. 

It's good to do hard things. Doing hard things is good for you. So find something hard to do and do it. By doing hard things, we grow in virtue and strength and ability. So, challenge yourself to do something hard, whether that's running a marathon or crocheting a blanket or teaching fractions or visiting a neighbor, or making amends with someone you've had a falling out with. Do something hard, and you'll be a better person.   

Stop yelling. 

This is the hardest thing ever, but it is so, so, so important. Think long and hard about times when you are most likely to yell and then find alternatives. There will be mistakes, there will be backslides. But yelling is really damaging to family relationships and family relationships are the most important thing. 

I'm a yeller; I get how hard it is to stop. It's a long hard process (but remember, it's good to do hard things), but so worth the work involved. The relationship you have with your spouse and children are the most important relationships, and yelling is damaging. But don't yell at yourself if you slip up. Be gentle with yourself, be gentle with yourself, be gentle with yourself.   

Go to Confession and take your kids.

Go at least once and maybe twice or even thrice. If you have kids old enough to go to Confession, take them too. The Sacrament of Confession is so vital to our spiritual growth and lives, and installing the regular practice of attending Confession in our children is so important.  

No matter what your Lent looks like this year, I pray that it is a faith-filled time of holiness and growth for you and that you are able to rest in God’s love this Lenten season. 

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Copyright 2026 Amelia Bentrup
Images: (top, center) Canva; (bottom) iStockPhoto.com, licensed for use by Holy Cross Family Ministries