If Only I'd Known This Sooner

Deanna Bartalini considers a few life lessons she would have liked to have embraced sooner. 

The other day I was thinking about my life. I do that every now and again. I realized, that whether you divide the length of your life into two halves or three thirds, I’m in the last half and third, but if I divide it into four quarters, I’m in my third quarter, if I can determine my age of leaving this world by how old my parents are and the fact that they are still around. That was quite a bit of math for me. Let’s go back to pondering the lessons I’ve learned over the years that I wish I had known well before this third quarter! 

Prayer 

Prayer is the most necessary part of your life. Consistent prayer is what separates us from wishing we were a better person, wife, daughter, mom, or rocket scientist and being that better person. We cannot be the person God created us, with unique gifts to give the world, without talking to Him every day. It does not need to be for hours and what it looks like will change over time.

But each day, take at least ten minutes to sit in silence and allow God to fill you. Sit down, bless yourself, and breathe. Thank God and then ask Him a question or read a verse of Scripture, and do nothing but look at Him while He looks at you. Pray every day.  

Take care of yourself 

You do not have to be last on your list. That is the message I heard repeatedly when I was growing up, “Mom came last” and that meant time for myself seemed terribly indulgent and selfish. You are a part of your family and taking time to exercise, enjoy your favorite hobby, and being with friends is just as important for you as it is for your children.

If we do not care for ourselves, we become depleted mentally, physically, and spiritually, and then we are not able to care for the people God has put in our life. 

Have fun 

I did not arrange play dates for my children. I sent them out to play. I think adults need to play. I realized this as my stress level climbed and relaxing or resting became difficult. Every notification on my phone sent off a stress response disproportionate to the need. I needed to relax. I began arranging painting nights with a few friends. Minimal supplies are needed, and the rules are to have fun and no judgment. We use a how-to video on YouTube and we start. Our paintings never look like the video or each other’s. That’s okay. We laugh, we talk, we act like we know what we are doing or admit we have no clue at all and have fun.  

You don’t need to have a paint party. Maybe you want to fly kites or ride bikes or watch a movie. Whatever you do, do it with at least one other person. We need community. 

Good enough  

In the eternal words of Elsa, “let it go.” The need for perfection can harm us. I don’t know what needs to be perfect to do what it is meant to do. I am sure there are medical and dental procedures and medicines we take that need to be perfect, so they do not harm us. But most of what we do in our lives regularly, we don’t need to be perfect. We want it to be “just right,” thinking that it will be better that way. For years I have fought against perfectionism, often masquerading as control or the need to be right. It rarely turned out well. For anyone. Perfectionism has a way of putting itself into so many places that we wind up becoming very judgmental.  

That judgment can be toward others or ourselves. We judge and then compare — and someone is always falling short. Do your best, given the time and available resources, and then declare it good enough.  

No matter what half, third, or quarter of life you are in, it is not too early or late to make changes in your life. If any of these lessons resonate with you, start doing that one. And if you have any great ideas for fun, pass them on to the rest of us!  

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Copyright 2024 Deanna Bartalini
Images: Painting copyright 2024 Deanna Bartalini, all rights reserved; all others Canva