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After a difficult season, Margaret Rose Realy, Obl. OSB, welcomes the opportunity to cultivate a beautiful garden in her yard, and in her soul.


The gentleman I helped care for—who had Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, and vascular dementia—recently passed away. His 83-year-old wife worked hard to care for him; during the final months of his illness she ended up in the hospital twice from extreme exhaustion and sleep deprivation.  

For her (and me) over the course of two years it was a gradual increase of more demanding care. Not a unique experience for any family faced with similar illnesses. 

His long walk to death was one of increments. Many months ago I recall his telling his best friend, when asked how he was doing, shared “I’m dying an inch at a time.” A devout Catholic since his childhood days as an altar server, he good naturedly made that journey home. Over the many months he modeled well to his children how to die with grace—even though at times dignity was set aside. 

There was an incremental grieving process for his wife as he declined. Now that the funeral is over, the emotions are complicated. There is the relief from the demanding and accepted-in-love burden of his care conflicting with the loss of a husband of nearly 60 years. 

 

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It will take time for all concerned to decompress and grieve after the intensity of the past six months. I decompress by gardening. 

Shortly after the funeral I began expanding the shade garden in my yard. I’m nearly 70 and somewhat disabled from an auto accident several decades ago. Creating the new garden space would be one of small steps toward gain—and done alone. 

 

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There is a process to gaining new ground, not so unlike the process to our eternity. #CatholicMom

 

There is a process to gaining new ground, not so unlike the process to our eternity.  

We establish a perimeter for the work to be done, and prepare the soil—and the soil of our soul. This is often a slow and arduous task of removing weeds and rocks that would deter good growth. We seek fertile unobstructed ground. 

Then we must decide what it is we choose to grow. We often hear “right plant, right place” when making a selection for our gardens. And isn’t that true for the virtues we want to develop? Which ones need to be cultivated to create a garden for Our Lord? 

To create my garden I worked a little each day—very little! I was not discouraged by the slowness of the process, being fully aware of my limitations. Progress was being made with tiny steps: of the 32 feet of lawn to be edged out remove three feet of it one day, of the six hills of hosta divide only one later in the week, maybe plant two of the 12 nursery pots before Sunday. 

I became aware of the incrementality of my friends death as I worked to create a small paradise in my yard. How over the months while he was still cognizant he tended the garden of his soul. How he nurtured that interior space to create a space in which the Lord would take His delight, and from all those small slow steps eventually gained his eternal paradise.  

 

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Copyright 2023 Margaret Rose Realy, Obl. OSB
Images: Canva