Learning to Be Flexible

Michelle Nott reveals what she is learning about the importance of flexibility after her daughter’s autism diagnosis.

Life is unpredictable. We can try to plan it out and prepare as much as we want, but at the end of the day, we are not in control. We are at the mercy of God.

It’s not easy to admit this or accept it. But at some point, everyone has had to adapt in every aspect of their life when things did not go their way. Whether physical, mental, emotional or spiritual, we have had challenges present themselves to us where we had to adjust our lives and our actions to accommodate the changes.

Flexibility is required in all areas of life. Some people have better temperaments for adjusting to life changes than others. I wish I were that way, but I know myself and I know that I like to feel in control of everything. It has resulted in many lessons of humility for me when I need to surrender and let go and let God.

This makes me think of what it would have been like to have been an apostle of Jesus while He was alive. All 12 men would have had to let go of life as they knew it when Jesus called them to follow Him. They would have constantly been on the road, not knowing where they were traveling to next, what Jesus was going to reveal to them, or even what His purpose was for them. They learned as they went, placing complete trust in Him.

When there were storms, He calmed them. When there was no food, He made more and fed them. His apostles showed true humility and faith to follow Him. And even though they made mistakes along the way, He forgave them. Jesus, too, is flexible in the form of mercy for those who ask for forgiveness.

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It takes a person of strong faith to accept everything that life offers them. The good, the bad, the in-between. It takes a lot of humility to place trust in God’s plan for our life, even when we do not understand why things happen the way that they do.

Flexibility is an important quality to have as a parent. We may make plans for the day, but then wake up to a sick kid who cannot go to school ... and suddenly all the plans are out the window. We may have dreams for our kids to share our passions with us, only to realize that they have found their own passion that is a better fit for them.

All parents have certain expectations going into parenthood. I know I did. But if there is one thing I learned, it is the importance of letting go of those expectations and creating new ones that work for my own family. It is a never-ending process of learning to let go and surrender to God.

We just learned that our family is going to need to be more flexible than we have been. Last week, my daughter was diagnosed with Autism. While this is not a surprise to us, it is still a lot of information to process and will require a lot of patience and trial and error to find what works for her to be successful.

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But I think the whole process of trying to get our daughter in for an evaluation has helped prepare me to receive the official diagnosis. It gave me a glimpse of how flexible I need to be in order to get her the help that she needs, while still being her advocate. I wanted so badly to be in control of the situation and get her seen as soon as possible. But we had to wait almost six months for an appointment (and that was the quickest one available). During those six months I had to surrender a lot. But in doing so, I had the time to meet other parents going through similar situations and receive advice, ask for lots of prayers, do research to feel prepared, and also turn to God.

Flexibility is hard for parents, because we want to be able to control all things for our kids to make sure that they are safe and have the best life provided for them. But we have to remember that God relinquishes control as well in the form of free will. He has His own plan for us He wants us to follow, but we have to choose to follow Him, just like the apostles did. We have to choose to seek forgiveness when we make mistakes. We have to choose to be flexible, surrender all to Him, and trust that He will take care of us and our family.

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