Mommy Makeover

Ellen Mongan shares a lesson she learned when she felt humiliated by her daughters but found a way to look at the situation humbly.

Daughters are given to us as gifts. They spend time with us and get to know us, and sometimes they are us. Daughters eventually receive a gift of intuition. Occasionally, they see defects in us that we did not even know existed. Somehow, our pride hides these faults so well that we have become blind to them. This is where our daughters come in, bearing their gifts. This gift is sometimes received with humility, other times with tears. 

The date was September 13; although the year escapes me, the memory does not. The family was gathered around the dinner table, eating, drinking, and chatting merrily. After a few minutes, the conversation began to center on me. My daughters began voicing my motherhood flaws aloud for all to feast on. My flesh rose in full force. It did not take long for me to feel picked on. Tears welled up in my eyes as my heart sank. I had had enough. 

Words popped out of my mouth that I did not expect to say. “Girls, I may not have done the work of motherhood perfectly, but I want you to know I did it with all my heart.” I continued, “I poured every ounce of my being, giving up all to be the mom to all my children.”

I began to weep uncontrollably. Anger and sensitivity rose in my heart. I had suppressed these vices for many years. My girls were shocked. I was, too. 

Hearing the doorbell ring returned our focus to the present moment. It was the florist, with an arrangement that another daughter had sent. “How sweet of Amanda to remember,” I said as I regained my composure. “I almost forgot, today is Zachary’s birthday.” Zachary was our eighth child; he passed away full-term, barely two and a half hours old. The florist's arrival was the perfect opportunity for my people-pleaser personality to kick into gear. "I guess I am being a little too sensitive,” I said. “After all, it is Zachary’s birthday.” 

Later that evening, I rehashed that encounter with my daughters repeatedly in my mind, trying to grasp what was going on in my heart. I was shocked at their words and even more shocked at my response. I wondered whether I was being too sensitive. I was convinced in my overly proud mind that I had been the perfect mother to each of my children. The girls' reality caused me to see another view. Maybe I had a little mommy pride that I had never recognized. My daughters’ words were a gift from God that I refused to receive. 

This day began a turning point in my life. I received the gift, opened it, and used it. I discovered the importance of listening to those who know you best that day. It was time for a mommy makeover that did not happen on the outside, where everyone could see, but on the inside. This is a hidden work of the soul designed by the hand of God. As we yield our hearts in prayer, the work begins.

Do not be afraid to bring all the good, the bad, and the ugly to your Heavenly Father. He already knows who we are and what we have done. He leaves surrendering up to us so God may change us from within. Sometimes, we are tempted to blind our eyes to our faults. Maybe we even put on some rose-colored glasses to mask the pride in our hearts by not seeing it as a sin. Denial may make the process of change take that much longer. We must be bold enough to face the giants in our lives head-on like David faced Goliath without a sword or armor. 

Motherhood is the most important job anyone will ever do, and it is also the most challenging job. Proverbs 31:10 states, “Who can find a woman of worth?” Inserting the word mother for woman puts competition and perfection to sleep. We all make mistakes. We all fail a time or two. We all say words we cannot take back, but we keep trying to do better! 

This Mother’s Day, invite your family to share whatever they wish about you. Let them honor you for who you are, what you have done for each of them, and even what they don’t like. I suggest you bring Kleenex just in case your daughter brings a gift of intuition to surprise you. It could hit you in the center of your heart, where some pride still resides.

God is giving you a gift. One day, you may thank your daughters for it. 

Share your thoughts with the Catholic Mom community! You'll find the comment box below the author's bio and list of recommended articles.

Copyright 2024 Ellen Mongan
Images: Canva