My Unreasonable Expectations of Lourdes and Fatima

Lorraine Hess’s pilgrimage to the Marian Shrines was not what she hoped it would be, but it was exactly what it was supposed to be.  

I grew up Catholic, and our Blessed Mother was always a part of my Catholic faith. I often pray the rosary; I have written many songs about Mary; and I believe all that the Church teaches about her. Yet, I have never felt that my devotion to her was as strong as many people I know, and I often thought the problem was me.   

In my ministry, I lead pilgrimages overseas. My first one was to Italy, and it was spiritually life changing. For the second pilgrimage, I chose the Marian Shrines of Spain, Portugal, and France because I thought it would be a great way to grow my devotion to Our Lady. I took my rosary, my Marian songs were loaded on my iPad, and I even packed a blue dress for my day in Lourdes.

My high expectations of a visit to Lourdes and Fatima

I had high expectations that this pilgrimage would draw me even closer to her. How could it not? I was going to stand right where she appeared to the children in Fatima, bathe in the waters of Lourdes, and walk in rosary processions singing, “Ave, Ave, Ave Maria!” All of the music I wrote for Mary would be played and sung in some of the oldest churches in Europe — a Catholic composer’s dream.  

As the leader of the pilgrimage of thirty-five people, I was responsible for managing the schedule, communicating with our tour guide, and ensuring that everyone was on the bus at the end of each tour. We had several spurts of rain; several pilgrims had physical challenges, and there were discrepancies in the itinerary that had to be adjusted along the way. We are behind schedule every day, and I my antenna was up the whole time making sure everyone else had the experience I had prayed for myself.

My pilgrimage to Italy had run much smoother than this one, but everyone was having a beautiful experience, so it was worth all the effort. Honestly though, I struggled to find my own quiet moments to just take in the miracle of the apparitions. The pilgrims were extremely grateful to me, which brought me great joy. They could see the struggles, and they showed such appreciation and love to me through the challenges. 

Moments of grace

Don’t get me wrong. There were many moments of grace. It was breathtaking to recite the Rosary in Fatima in multiple languages with one thousand people from around the world holding candles late at night. When the attendant in Lourdes poured water over my hands in the sacred baths, it brought me to tears. I wrote so many prayer intentions there and it felt like I was handing them to my Blessed Mother herself. I observed our pilgrims happily helping one other physically along the way, and it was truly inspiring.

Father Roc O’Connor, S.J was our spiritual director, and his homilies gave me so much to ponder. He was incredibly wise and a true son of Ignatius. We had Mass in Loyola, Spain, the birthplace of Saint Ignatius, so imagine being witness to a 75-year-old Jesuit priest celebrate Mass in Loyola for the first time! It is forever etched in my memory. 

The highlight of my trip was our last day singing in the Crypt of La Sagrada Familia Basilica in Barcelona, Spain. (Look it up!) How many Catholic singers can say they sang at that magnificent church? I had been praying for my marriage and children the whole week, and there we were at the church dedicated to the Holy Family.

What was most special about that Mass was that my husband had just recently been trained as an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion but had not yet served at a Mass. That day, we brought wine to the church so Father Roc could consecrate both bread and wine. At that Mass, my husband served the Precious Blood, and I was the first to receive from him. A moment of tremendous grace. 

Mary exceeded my expectations

Although I had expectations of getting closer to Mary, instead I was experiencing Christ by witnessing the faith of others in wheelchairs in Lourdes, observing pilgrims helping one another, and the grandeur of these amazing churches built out of devotion to God, singing music that enhanced all our celebrations of the Eucharist. I was exhausted at the end of the trip, but I felt great peace having served others, so they could have the experiences for which they came.

Mary had not led me to Mary. Through her intercession, she had led me to Jesus. Isn’t that the point of a devotion to Mary? It was not about me, nor her; it was about Him. Our Lady of Fatima, Pray for us! 

Share your thoughts with the Catholic Mom community! You'll find the comment box below the author's bio and list of recommended articles.

Copyright 2025 Lorraine Hess
Images: copyright 2025 Lorraine Hess, all rights reserved.