During a three-year ordeal with secondary infertility, Nikki Lamberg learned to surrender control of the situation to God.
For as long as I can remember I have dreamed of having a family. As a young girl I would play “house,” where I would take residence in our living room with all of what I thought were essentials to being a good mom. All of my dolls were specially named and I took care of them each as equally as the next.
Fast forward to my early 20’s and I am happily married to the one I am sure God has chosen for me, with a sweet little 2-year-old boy who is the apple of our eye. We were ready to try for our second, although this time it wasn’t as easy. After extensive testing, it was determined that we had undiagnosed infertility. This was so heartbreaking for us. How could we have conceived one beautiful child already, but we couldn’t another?
As we began to navigate through this new journey of infertility, it was an exceedingly difficult time for us. I began to question everything. “What did I do wrong? ... What do I need to fix in my life so that God would see me fit to be a mother and bless us with another child?” I wanted so badly to have another child, and I was determined to do everything I could to fix our “problem.”
But you see, that is where I went wrong. God did not want me to fix it. He wanted to fix it.
A year into our infertility, I was encouraged to join a charisms class at church. Little did I know that that day would change my life forever. I met some wonderful people who started to lead me down a path of growing deeper in my faith. Although I had always gone to church every Sunday growing up, and I went to a Catholic grade school, I had never explored the depths of the Catholic faith like this. I knew we prayed to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, but what role did the Holy Spirit play in it all?
Joining this class had me wanting to explore more, and it is where I learned that the Holy Spirit could speak to us if we just open our hearts and let Him in. I did not know this at the time, but God was preparing me to find this new life in my faith through our infertility.
At that class they offered to pray over me, and tears started pouring down my face. I had no idea what was happening, or even why I was crying, until they told me it was the Holy Spirit working in me. If I am being completely honest, I did not even know this was a thing! Once I accepted that I needed to give God control, I surrendered my own control and I asked God to take all the angst, the desperation, the worry, and the stress away, because I could not do it anymore.
It was a three-year journey of infertility. I learned so much more about God, our faith, and the different ways that God works through us and for us. And I am so grateful to say that God has blessed us with two more beautiful little children since that day.
The “Footprints in the Sand” poem is something that I have always felt attached to. I thought it to be so encouraging that on my hardest days, God will be there to lift me up and carry me through. During our infertility, I came to realize that this was my beach, but these were not my footprints: they were His.
Looking back, as hard as it was, I am so grateful for the journey God led me through. The people that I met that day 6 years ago, have become my pillars of faith, my prayer warriors, and have taught me so much about how to be closer to God. And although I will always have so much to learn, I finally feel like I am living in peace.
I cannot wait to continue to grow closer to Him and to see what else He has in store for our family.
Copyright 2021 Nikki Lamberg
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About the Author
Nikki Lamberg is a born and raised Catholic, full-time working, wife and mom of three young children. It brings her great joy to read, write and help others as she can, especially when it comes to infertility and raising young children.