'No' Means 'I Love You'

Caroline Godin ponders how saying "No" can be an act of love.

There are different views on what love is in this world. If you’re reading these articles, you’d probably agree that the greatest Love took place on the Cross at Calvary around 2,000 years ago. Let’s start there. 

God’s Love for Mankind 

God created mankind in His image. That doesn’t mean our physical appearance, but our hearts and souls. Catholic Answers explains it better here. If we can understand that, then we’re closer to understanding his love for us. John 3:16 sums it up. 

For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him might not perish but might have eternal life. 

Who in their right mind would give up their son for the sake of those who’ve blasphemed, insulted, and rejected you? God, that’s Who. 

Think about it. He gave us free will. We chose to break His laws. He gave us a promised land. We worshipped false idols. He gave us prophets, kings, judges, and even His own Son. We killed, cast out, and crucified. Yet, our sin is not more powerful than His Love. The path to reconciliation remains. 

Does that mean we can continue doing whatever we want? No, that’s not what love is. God didn’t drop Adam and Eve in Paradise and say do whatever you want. He had a rule (Genesis 2:16-17) and they broke it. The rule was for their safety. The lengths God goes to help them reconcile is outlined in the Bible. It’s a love story. 

A Parent’s Love for a Child 

The only love that’s compared (closely) with God’s love for us, is a mother’s — or parent’s — love for a child. We love our kids because we’re made in His image, but what does that mean? 

It means we’re willing to go through what we can to help our children reconcile whatever wrongs they’ve done (or are doing) for their own sakes. 

God didn’t want Adam and Eve to die, so He forbade eating from one tree. When they did it anyway, there was a long process — and still is — to fixing it. 

I don’t want my kids to fight, but they do sometimes. I help them through the process of fixing it. Timeouts, apologies, counseling hurt feelings … the list goes on. 

We do it to keep our kids safe and teach them to be better adults than we are. If we’re doing this as Christians, we’re also doing it for the glory of God. 

"No" Means "I Love You" 

Sometimes "no" obviously means “I love you.” No, you can’t run in the street. No, you can’t play with fire. No, you can’t walk home at night, alone, from across town. But there’s trickier scenarios that are far less clear. 

For Your Viewing Pleasure 

A few kids in my class tell me (not sure it’s true) their parents let them watch whatever they want on YouTube. What’s a catechist to say when my kid looks at me like, You don’t let me watch any YouTube! ... No sir, I do not. (Mental conversations through looks with your kids are fun!) 

I simply tell the class, “I know your parents love you, and they do care what you fill your heads with.” Then we move on because that wasn’t the topic anyway. 

Social Media Free-for-all 

My teens begged for some social media platforms. We control what they get, including app-hiding apps. Aaaallllll their friends had it, so why can’t they? 

Certain platforms are a hard No in our household based on origin, sharing capabilities, and privacy settings. 

But WHY?! 

It’s because I love them. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t care, but I do care, deeply. They have lots of social communication avenues we do allow. 

Sports, Activities, and Toys, Oh My! 

My little guy asks for everything the moment he sees it. He’s a gimme kid. I’d love to give in sometimes just to stop the whining, but I love him too much. 

If I sign him up for every sport, he’ll be overbooked, burnt out, and quit everything. If I bring him to everything, I’ll be burnt out and overbooked. If I buy him every toy, he won’t appreciate what he has, and we’ll have more clutter. You get the picture. 

Yes, I Love You 

"No" means I love my kids. Restrictions given out of love are necessary. What else is necessary is mercy. God’s mercy is endless and our willingness to forgive our kids — particularly when they’re sorry — is meant to mirror God’s mercy. We’re made in His image, so let’s keep teaching our kids about His love. 

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Copyright 2025 Caroline Godin
Images: Canva