Raising Confident Children

Nikki Lamberg ponders what parents need to be able to raise confident, faith-filled children.

How do we, as parents, learn to raise a confident child? I think you have to start by instilling in them the importance of their faith. They need to know whose they are before they can understand who they are. If they are fortunate enough to have a solid foundation of their faith, an understanding of the astounding love that God has for them, and the love and support of their parents before their adolescent years, the greater likelihood that they will find the hard decisions to make will be just a little bit easier.

Children also need to know they have a strong support system. It’s important for children to know who they can trust to share their questions, concerns, hopes and dreams with. Whether it be their parents, grandparents, or a trusted family friend who feels like family, children need to know they have someone they can turn to that won’t judge them for their thoughts and feelings. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I tend to agree with that to a point. We are so fortunate to have our parents close by to help, and friends who are close enough they feel like family to us. It’s an incredible feeling to see the bonds that form between my kids and them.

My dad was blessed to have the gift of wisdom, and so often as a child I always felt like it was a lecture. However, now that I am older and can appreciate and understand that it truly is a gift from the Holy Spirit, I am so grateful that my children have such a close bond to him. I feel blessed to know that they will feel comfortable going to my parents if they ever feel they can’t confide in myself or my husband.

In addition to our parents, I feel fortunate to have the friends we do as well. I so appreciate them treating our kids as their own, and they love them all each the same. When Covid hit our house on my youngest son’s third birthday and we had to cancel the party, our family and friends rallied with birthday wishes from afar. One of his godmothers left gifts on our porch and generously gave not just to the birthday boy but also to his brother and sister. We were also treated to a dinner at his other godparent’s home after we were all cleared, and they lit candles and sang individually to each of my boys, whose birthdays are only two weeks apart. It’s the unexpected but completely appreciated love and support of our entire tribe that helps us to be better parents, and our kids to be confident that they are surrounded by love and support.

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With a solid base of faith, family and friends, I think the third thing is helping them to instill critical thinking and learn how to trust their judgement. As our oldest moves up through grade school and becomes involved in numerous sporting activities, it’s a fine balance between pushing them to succeed and letting them make their own decisions. This Fall we were faced with some tough decisions on sporting activities which involved having to decide between what he wanted most. We were able to lay it all out there for him, including what his schedule would look like along with school, and had the very real conversation about whether it would be too much.

As his parents we will make the ultimate decision;, however, he is at the age where we feel it’s fair for him to get a say in his participation in activities. He’s coming into his preteen years where his friends start having their own opinions as well, and they aren’t all necessarily supportive of the decisions we are making with him. It’s a lesson we are working hard to teach him: that not everyone is always going to like the decisions you/we make, however if the decisions are what we have decided are in the best interest of our child or our family, then we must maintain confidence and clarity in them.

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I think Teddy Roosevelt said it best when he said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” When we start comparing our decisions to the decisions those around us are making, it spirals into a constant questioning of whether the decision we made was actually correct. If you are constantly questioning yourself, your judgment, or the decisions that you are making, your confidence will continue to dwindle until you find you have very little left. Unfortunately, when it gets to that point, it takes a very long time for that confidence to build back up again, and often we are trying to do so in a “quick-fix” way instead of finding long-term solutions.

Click to tweet:
Although it’s very human to second-guess ourselves, we need to have the confidence that God has given us these beautiful children to us on purpose. #catholicmom

How do we know as parents we are making the right decisions to help our child become confident? Well, it’s simple really: we don’t. All we can do is pray and trust that God will guide us in the right path; set the foundation of faith for our kids; find ways for His wisdom to be shared, whether it’s through us as parents or another trusted family or friend; and to keep having those conversations with our kids, instilling in them the importance of thinking for ourselves, keeping respect for those around us and using our moral compass.

Although it’s very human to second-guess ourselves, even (or maybe especially as) parents, we need to have the confidence that God has given us these beautiful children to us on purpose. Although they are His, they are mine here on earth, and I will continue to try to be the best parent I can be, just trying to raise faith-filled, confident children.

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