Renewal in a Time of Loss

Johanna Stamps offers a challenge to view the time after a major loss as a period of renewal.

What if we saw the time after a major loss as a time of renewal? God knows it doesn’t feel like it, but I noticed God seems to have a different plan in mind than traditional versions of grieving.

This idea isn’t unheard of: the Jewish community has a different approach to grieving than Christians. After the death of a loved one, a group of trained people within the community take care of the arrangements regarding the funeral and burial. They also coordinate meals for the family for the following seven days. This time is called Shiva. During this time, members of the family rip their garments; the men don’t shave; they cover the mirrors; they sit lower than normal in seats; and, most importantly, they use this time to discuss the loss and accept the comfort of others.

Given the immense burden I usually see families face immediately after experiencing the loss of a loved one, I can’t help but see the tradition of sitting Shiva as something that could promote healthy grieving and renewal. It’s about feeling the depths of your sadness but then moving forward re-established.

Often, I say, “Experiencing a major loss is like your house or your life is being taken down to the studs” On first observation of the loss, it can feel like a time of immense weakness. You may look around and wonder, “What is left?” It feels like it is a time to focus on what is gone, but what if there is more?

Recently I was privileged to attend the funeral of Rev. Dr. Linwood W. Carroll, Sr., a monumental figure here in Richmond, VA. His son, Pastor Eric Carroll, used one of his father’s sermons as part of the eulogy, and I will never forget it. The sermon is called “Just Go On,” and it’s centered on stepping forward in grief. It was based on the beginning of the Book of Joshua, when God says,

“Moses my servant is dead. So now, you and the whole people with you, prepare to cross the Jordan to the land that I will give the Israelites.” (Joshua 1:2)

It feels like God is saying to Joshua and to us:

“I see the loss, I see the pain, I see you think you have nothing, but I see what is there for you! Just go on!!!”

The funeral felt like the embodiment of this call to action. We left with a balanced sense of reflection, remembrance, and renewal.

I’m wrestling with this idea, as you probably are as well. It’s so different from what the world tells us to do. The world seems to tell us to be in our grief—to live there. God is instead saying something different: “Go on!”