Self-reliance: Safety Net or Barrier?

Betty Vertin considers the places in her life where she is reluctant to give up control to God.

I need help with trust.

My family experienced a setback in December. It was a setback that should have caused alarm, but at the time, my husband and I felt a sense of calm. We both voiced that it was all part of God's plan.

And I felt great, so proud that my first reaction was to lean into God's plan.

It has always been hard for me to relinquish control over my life. So when my first reaction was a calm trust, it was an "Aha" moment. It had finally come easy to me.

But the months waned on, and no solution was presenting itself. Trust quit coming easy. And my need to be in control started to sneak back in.

There were many days when I decided God's plan was unfolding too slowly, and I tried to rely on myself to speed it up.

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I was okay waiting a bit, but God is asking for more.

And it is so hard!

The times I have tried to fix it, nothing has changed. God has made it clear that I am where I need to be.

He is using my lack of comfort in my current situation to shape me.

For what?

I have no idea, but that is where He is inviting me to trust.

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Self-reliance served me well for many years. Sometimes, it feels like my ability to care for myself was God's gift. It has allowed me to overcome difficult situations. For many years as a ward of the state as a child, growing up in foster homes, I learned to take care of myself. And in that season of life, self-reliance felt like a safety net. It was how I coped with everything happening to me that I had no control over.

Years later, as an adult and a mother, three of my sons were diagnosed with Duchenne muscular dystrophy (DMD). Self-reliance was like a reward again, allowing me to feel in control when everything else was out of my control.

But I am now years removed from my adolescent years and a decade into my journey with my sons' diagnosis, and self-reliance does not feel like a coping mechanism so much as a barrier to a closer relationship with Christ.

Over the years, as a mom to three boys with DMD, I realized that I would never be able to cure my sons from their fatal diagnosis. No matter how much I want to, I cannot slow down the disease progression or give them back the things they have lost, including the ability to walk.

It's painful living with that reality. I am a mom who only wants to take care of my kids and fix their owies. But they need much more than a band-aid to heal them. It has required me to relinquish the sense of control I pretended to have.

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I regularly have to make significant, life-or-death decisions with my boys, sometimes for my boys. It's hard making those decisions; they often seem impossible. If I make a wrong choice, the consequences are monumental.

So, I have learned and practiced discernment. I spend time in prayer and talking to God. I want Him to lead me to the best decisions for my sons.

I have grown and realized that self-reliance, although sometimes disguised as a tool to overcome difficult situations, has pulled me away from building a closer relationship with Christ.

When it comes to my boys, where it is so apparent that God is in control, and I need and want Him to be the one to lead us down that path. In that one area, I have relinquished my self-reliance.

But in all the other areas of my life, where it is not glaringly obvious I'm not in charge, I am still meddling. I'm still trying to decide what is right and what is next for me.

God is inviting me into a period of growth (and I realize there is plenty of room for it). It will be uncomfortable, and I will want to use my methods. He is inviting me to resist my ways and trust His. Pray for my success!

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