Setting Limits

Elizabeth Estrada discusses the challenge of setting boundaries in a family with a history of dysfunction. 

Many of us have sadly gone through hurt or even trauma. Sometimes it’s more than that; it can be a mother or father wound. The wounds can go even deeper into family dysfunction. 

My Family’s Story 

I am a first-generation Mexican-American, which means that my parents were Mexican nationals. My father was middle-class in Mexico, and my mother came from very humble beginnings. 

Following my father’s many years of alcoholism, my mother left my father and brought us up on her own. She worked a lot and so I spent a lot of time with an older sibling who was more of a parent figure than a sibling because of the age difference.  

Due to the circumstances, my sibling was given a lot of control and power that led to a very dysfunctional relationship between the two of us. The role continues even to this day. 

I have learned slowly but surely that boundaries are very important in any kind of relationship. Sadly, in my experience, many families really don’t set any kind of boundaries, especially when it comes to family and even within the extended family. 

Due to the lack of boundaries you end up with very unhealthy habits that are passed down from generation to generation. If you try to break the cycle of these habits in your family, you are in big trouble. 

You will be labeled as a person who thinks they are better than anybody else. Maybe because you are the first to go to college or the first to call out the unhealthy habits and traditions that you don’t and won’t choose to be a part of ever. 

For the last 20-plus years I have been trying to be that family member, and it has been hard and hurtful. I decided that I didn’t want my son to grow up with these ideas and feel guilty for setting those boundaries. 

My Struggle to Set Healthy Boundaries 

Through my struggle and many years of therapy I have learned that boundaries are healthy and essential to healthy relationships. This is what I want for my son. 

In my healing I have learned that even God set boundaries. He set limits of what was essential for living a life that would lead us closer to Him. I suppose that the Ten Commandments would be an example of that. Another example: when Jesus called out all those people who were wanting to throw rocks at the woman who had sinned. 

Even though this process is hard and makes me go through many stages of feelings and grief, God has given me the grace to have the courage to set these boundaries. 

I have lost relationships because my boundaries are misunderstood, but to heal and live the life God wants me to live, they are necessary. 

Have you ever had to set boundaries? How did that help or hurt your relationships? 

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Copyright 2025 Elizabeth Estrada
Images: Canva