The Gift of Discernment: A Mother's Compass on the Journey of Faith

Laura Vazquez Santos discusses turning to the wisdom of Saint Ignatius of Loyola to discover how the gift of discernment can guide every mother’s heart.

Discernment is one of those words that sounds lofty and spiritual, like something best left to saints and priests. However, the truth is that discernment is woven into the very fabric of our motherhood and our lives as Christians. We exercise it every day (sometimes even without realizing it!) through a thousand little choices that shape our families, our children, and our walk with God. 

And if, as a mom with young children, you’ve ever agonized over whether to stay home or return to work, which school to choose, how to spend your family’s time — or even what boundaries to set with extended family, social media, or screens, then you’ve already stepped into the holy work of discernment. 

On July 31st, we celebrate the feast of Saint Ignatius of Loyola — a man whose legacy in the Church is profoundly rooted in the art of discernment. As the founder of the Jesuits, Saint Ignatius gave the Church the Spiritual Exercises, a deeply practical and prayerful method of learning how to “find God in all things.” He believed that God’s voice is not hidden from us; rather, we simply need to tune our hearts to hear it. 

As mothers, we are often expected to just “know” what’s best for our children and our homes. But what happens when we don’t? What happens when what’s best isn’t clear, or when our ideals clash with our realities? 

The answer, I believe, is that we learn to discern. 

Discernment Is a Process, not a Lightning Bolt 

Now, don’t get me wrong: Learning to discern between listening to our own anxieties, what our world and culture tell us, and what is truly God’s voice is easier said than done. I, myself, in no way claim any expertise here, but one thing that has helped me conceptualize this better has been to understand that discernment is not about having all the answers or even having them all at once. God doesn’t always speak in a clear audible voice when and how we want Him to, and other times we aren’t exactly the most attuned listeners either.  

However, practicing discernment is about having the courage to bring every question to God. Saint Ignatius taught that discernment is a process of paying attention, of listening not only to external signs, but also to the interior movements of the soul. It’s about also asking yourself what brings peace? What brings unrest? What have been the fruits of this decision that I made? Have they been good, virtuous fruits, or negative ones? Have they brought me closer to God, or have they pulled me farther away from God?

For Catholic mothers, the decision to stay home with their children or return to work can feel deeply personal, stressful, and spiritually complex. Each path carries its own blessings and challenges. And often, what’s right for one family may look entirely different for another, and that’s okay! But in making a decision this important, relying on prayerful discernment can be a good starting point.  

A few years ago, I wrestled with the decision to scale back my freelance business (a role that had allowed me to work while staying home postpartum after two pregnancies and felt intellectually very fulfilling). But when our finances took a major hit after COVID, I was forced to re-evaluate. As much as I loved freelancing (and still do!), it couldn’t offer the consistent income our family now needed, and while my husband has a well-paying career, it wasn’t enough to keep us afloat where we live (a reality many mothers will resonate with in 2025). Thus, I had to look at in-house work again. The full-time 9-to-5 rat race that I was not fond of was now an option I had to explore to sustain my business (and my family) through tough times. 

I was torn between the deep desire to be home with my children, to maintain flexibility with my work and my time, and the equally strong awareness that I was called to contribute financially and use my gifts in the workplace. There was no easy answer. I felt guilty no matter what I chose, and some days I still do. But over time, through prayer and spiritual guidance, I began to see that discernment doesn’t always give you a lightning bolt of clarity. Sometimes, it looks more like trust: a quiet, imperfect step forward, trusting God will meet you there.  

Discernment: An Ongoing Conversation with God 

Saint Ignatius reminds us that discernment isn’t something we do once and for all. It’s an ongoing, living conversation with God. It’s what keeps our motherhood from becoming just a list of duties and turns it into a vocation of love, attentiveness, and transformation.  

It takes time, patience, and a lot of self-denial to learn how to hear God’s voice in your life — and even more trust to follow it with humility. Often, that persistent, nagging feeling that won’t go away (a.k.a. your conscience), especially after you’ve prayed for guidance, is God giving you the answer you need and not always necessarily the one you wanted to hear.  

God Is Not Silent 

If you’re in a season of big decisions, whether it be about changing jobs, returning to work or staying home with young children, decisions about schooling, marriage, mental health, or how to raise your children in a world that often feels upside down, do take heart. God isn’t silent. And you are not alone. Invite the Holy Spirit in and ask Him to show you what the gift of discernment looks like in your life. Ask Saint Ignatius to pray for you. And then listen, not just with your ears, but with your heart. 

Discernment is the compass that keeps us on course, not toward perfection, but toward God. And that, ultimately, is the direction our children need most. 

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Copyright 2025 Laura Vazquez Santos
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