The Struggle Is Real, Even If It's Not Massive

Lisa Hess considers how best to carry the weight of the day-to-day without feeling guilty about taking time for self-care.

It’s been almost a month since spring semester ended and as I write this, I am three weeks into the summer course I’m teaching (yes, you read that timeline right). Fortunately, the course is online, I’ve taught it before, and the roster settled in at a little under 20 students. This means that I can allocate part of each day to my summer class and then walk away guilt-free to engage in other pursuits. 

Despite that timeframe — or perhaps, in part, because of it — it wasn’t until the end of last week that I actually began to feel a little bit relaxed. Even factoring in the necessary grading and planning for my class, my to-do lists have shrunk substantially. As I write this, it’s a warm, sunny day, the gray skies and persistent rain of the past two weeks having taken a hiatus. The house is quiet, my time is largely my own, (at least during the day) and I’m slowly accomplishing the kinds of small tasks that frequently pile up during the semester, clamoring for a spot on my already overpopulated to-do list. 

No More Lists, No More Problems? 

The lists aren’t actually the issue though. Stress comes packaged in the form of the unwritten, unspoken prodding and nudging insistently scrolling through the background in my mind, pushing me to stay on top of things and refusing to let me take down time, pouring on the guilt whenever a glimmer of self-care makes an appearance. The prodding and nudging is so thorough, in fact, that it sticks around even after the last grade has been recorded. Circling my head like buzzards, Mr. Prod and Mrs. Nudge leave me with the constant feeling that I should be doing something other than what I’m doing, particularly when what I’m doing is relaxing. 

During a very similar time last summer, I decided to get a pedicure. I hadn’t had one in a while and when I leaned back in the chair, I almost wept.  

I know. Dramatic. I thought so too. It was a dramatic release that was longer coming than I realized. 

A couple of weeks ago, the same thing happened, only this time it was a massage, not a pedicure. Tears leaked from behind my eyes as I lay on the table, letting go of the busyness that had simply been life for the past few weeks.  

Normal Life, Normal Reaction? 

When we’re just going through the day-to-day and doing our thing, we sometimes forget that just going through the day and doing our thing can be stressful because, when compared to other scenarios, it doesn’t seem like a big deal. 

And maybe it isn’t. But our day-to-day still takes time and energy. While we quickly recognize a depletion of our physical energy, we can forget or undervalue depletion of our mental energy. 

When I leaned back in that chair last summer and lay down on that table a few weeks ago, I wasn’t recovering from digging ditches, or standing out on a black, tarry highway in 90° temperatures in full construction gear, or working the lunch rush at a diner. Those jobs take a physical toll — one we recognize. Sitting in a chair in an air-conditioned sun porch grading papers? Hardly compares. 

But mental labor — whether it’s grading papers, writing legal briefs, or keeping a household running smoothly — does leave its mark. And when we downplay the toll that mental exhaustion takes, we unintentionally hang on to it, strengthening its grip so that when we finally let go, the floodgates open, emotions tripping over themselves as they run for the exit. 

A Good Life 

I recognize how fortunate I am that indulgences like pedicures and massages are a part of my life, and this post isn’t about complaining about how hard my life is because I actually have a pretty good life.  

But even the good life comes with challenges. As a counselor, I have a pretty good handle on my emotions — most of the time, anyway — as well as an understanding of the human condition. Together, these things tell me that I’m not alone. 

And that’s the reason for this post. 

It’s tough out there sometimes — for all of us. It’s important to take our emotional temperature from time to time and figure out what we need. And once we figure out how to make it happen, we need to do it guilt-free (as long as we aren’t hurting anyone else in the process) because investing in ourselves can be one of the best investments there is. 

How about you? How will you protect your investment? 

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Copyright 2025 Lisa Hess
Images: Canva