The Virtue of Being a Host

Merridith Frediani considers the value of opening her home to others.  

Do not neglect hospitality, for through it some have unknowingly entertained angels. (Hebrews 13:2) 

We have all felt it: the feeling of being overlooked, forgotten, or unnoticed. There’s a reason the Catholic Church stresses being seen and known, because when we feel like we aren’t, it hurts. Some personalize it, believing it must be true, that they are forgotten and overlooked. Some are stoic, trying to reject a real feeling as weakness, convincing themselves they don’t need to be noticed. But we all have this desire to be seen and known, not just superficially but actually seen as a human and known as a child of God. It’s why we invest in friendships.  

"Did you get the invitation?" 

My husband and I were recently invited to a few unexpected things. One was a formal event. The first words out of the inviter’s mouth after not seeing us for some time were, “Did you get the invitation?” He wanted us to be there and celebrate. Another was from a sweet newly-engaged friend who wanted me to come dress shopping with her. The third was from some friends to a regular event that could only happen on this one day, and they wanted to be sure we could make it.   

Three beautiful, surprise invitations in a few days. We felt love. We felt important and valued in all three instances. In an evening debrief, we reflected, as we have many times over the years, on a particular conversation we had in our mid-twenties when we were newly married. We had just moved back to Milwaukee and were in friend building mode. Most of our college friends had moved on and we needed new people. We noticed after a year or so that we mostly just saw people when we initiated the invitation. Not often did the invitation come to us. We wondered why.  

Learning to Invite Others

The conclusion we came to, after assuring ourselves that we were nice, fun to be around, and not terribly offensive in any way, was that we wanted friends and we were going to have to learn to be the inviters even if it meant that’s how it would mostly be. We swallowed the desire to be asked and embraced the offer.  

Be hospitable to one another without complaining (1 Peter 4:9) 

Fast forward 30 years: Being the inviters has led us to a charism of hospitality. Instead of being a little salty about having to make the offer and maybe not have it reciprocated, we’ve learned of the joy of being the hosts and developed a pretty good system complete with a pre-arrival song we blast in the kitchen while we prep ("Scenes from an Italian Restaurant" by Billy Joel).

We’ve come to appreciate the upside of hosting — we choose the menu, and we don’t have to go outside in the cold or dark, nor do we have to wear shoes. If I’m too cold or warm, I simply run upstairs and change. We have leftovers. We get to enjoy our dining room, but more often we sit at the kitchen table. Because we have the freedom to invite whoever we want, we’ve been able to share a meal with some interesting people and even sometimes strangers.  

For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me. (Matthew 25:35) 

Having people for dinner naturally evolved into brunch as well as bridal and wedding showers, small faith groups, and young adults who were new to town and temporarily homeless living with us until their leases started. We hosted religious sisters, seminarians, priests, and a brother who was on a silent retreat (that one was challenging because we couldn’t talk to him until the end!). One summer we sent out an email to people we wanted to spend time with and included a link to a calendar website so they could sign up.

We’ve played games with our nieces and nephews and laughed with friends. We’ve talked about nonsense and discussed important topics. We have learned things we may not have if we hadn’t taken the risk and offered an invitation. We have become known as a place people can come and be let in. We don’t stress about cleanliness or matching silverware; we simply welcome people into our home and give them food. 

Growing a Habit of Openness

What began as a feeling of not being enough has become a habit of welcome and openness. What initially felt like a burden has become a blessing. It brings us joy to feed people and talk about real things. It’s also a reminder that loving others doesn’t have to be a big, grand, hard thing. It can be as simple as following God’s prompting and doing something you’re good at and enjoy. Hosting isn’t for everyone, but it is for us — and we are grateful the Lord has allowed us to serve others in this unique way 

Come into our home, sit at our table with a dog at your feet, eat some good food, and tell us who you are. 

Share your thoughts with the Catholic Mom community! You'll find the comment box below the author's bio and list of recommended articles.

Copyright 2025 Merridith Frediani
Images: Canva