We Chose Life

Betty Vertin didn't stay for the full weekend retreat, but discovered later that her brief time there made a deep impact on another mom.

In August of 2022, I found myself at a point of stress and burnout I had never experienced.

As my husband traveled with one son’s baseball team for weeks, I was home with five children. I was nursing a baby full-time, and my then 13-year-old son, who has Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy is also high-functioning autistic and a full-time wheelchair user. So it felt as if I wasn’t helping one of them, I was helping the other, not to mention the other kids, doing laundry, cooking, and trying to plan fun summer activities for the kids at home with me.

I was exhausted when summer ended, and school started back up. I was on Facebook and saw information posted about a retreat in Vermont for mothers of children with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. I am very introverted and would never voluntarily agree to fly so far away to be with people I had never met. It was entirely out of character for me, but I talked to my husband, and we agreed I’d fly out to Vermont for a weekend in September.

I enjoyed my first evening there very much. It was a blessing to be with other women who also had children with the same disease.

Several of us sat around the table the following day, drinking coffee and talking. As we chatted, it was no surprise that someone asked if I would share why we decided to keep having children after the boys were diagnosed.

As I have shared, I have three children with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy: Max, Rowen, and Charlie.

I was pregnant with the youngest of them, Charlie, when my oldest was diagnosed with progressive muscle wasting and fatal disease. I believe it was always God's plan for us to have three boys with Duchenne. Many families choose not to have more children after a child has been diagnosed. It is fatal, and many heartaches are involved in watching your child slowly deteriorate in front of you.

null

However, our Catholic faith encouraged us to remain open to life. As a result, we were blessed with two more beautiful, healthy girls.

I share all of that with you so that you understand why others in the Duchenne community are often surprised to find out how big our family is and how many of our children are living with the disease.

I admit that it scares me when I’m asked that question in front of a group because not everyone shares the same beliefs. Some have a hard time understanding why we would risk having a child that is not healthy. And unfortunately, we have been on the receiving end of not-so-nice comments.

But I didn’t back away from the question, and in front of the large group, I explained that we were practicing Catholics and decided to follow our faith and choose life.

The woman who asked the question came to sit next to me, and we continued a lovely conversation.

It was just one of many conversations that day. However, as the day progressed, I grew homesick. My introverted self was overstimulated; I only wanted to go home. Finally, I chided myself for embarking on an adventure far beyond my comfort zone and flew home early.

Click to tweet:
I didn’t back away from the question, and in front of the large group, I explained that we were practicing Catholics and decided to follow our faith and choose life. #CatholicMom

That was in September. Last week, in the Facebook group for the moms of the retreat, one of the mothers posted this (and I shared it with her permission):

Good morning, ladies! Our amazing weekend helped me in so many ways. I spoke with a few of you about my worries about having more children since mine have multiple diagnoses. I am not a carrier but know it isn't 100% for my children. After seeing all of your strengths and hearing about the fulfilling lives your families live it really helped calm my fears. The words that resonated with me the most was when Betty said "we choose life," when asked about having more children after the diagnosis. I can't thank you all enough. I have another little boy on the way who will be arriving in August, so excited to see what dynamic this one brings to our family. Love to you all!

I cried happy tears as I read the post. I felt my heart move. There I thought the trip was all about me when it was about a beautiful baby boy. God works in such wonderful, amazing ways. Maybe that out-of-character action that moved me to fly halfway across the country wasn’t my need for a break but God’s desire for me to say those few words in front of a woman I would have otherwise never met. We will never know how that all worked, but I think I know where to tip my hat!

null