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Janelle Peregoy describes how welcoming strangers opens our heart to unexpected encounters and even friendships.


For Christmas, I bought my brother a copy of one of my favorite books of the last five years. Rob Delaney’s memoir, A Heart that Works, intimately shares the grief journey of losing his 2-year-old son, Henry, to cancer. Delaney is an actor/comedian and utilizes his flair for gallows humor throughout his storytelling. I occasionally found myself crying and laughing within the span of a single paragraph, sometimes within the same sentence. 

While recently listening to a podcast interview with Delaney, I was struck by an anecdote he shared. It wasn’t about Henry but rather about a stranger from his childhood. Delaney explained that this stranger made such a positive impression on him that he has never forgotten her. He went so far as to suggest that he believed that this woman was an angel. In the context of a secular podcast, it was enjoyable to hear how monetarily flummoxed the host could be by such a revelation. 

In an increasingly fractious culture, I think it is important to reflect on what connecting with a stranger might mean. 

 

A biblical understanding of strangers 

The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops has a beautiful pastoral letter, Welcoming the Stranger Among Us: Unity in Diversity. This document explains the Church’s support for migrants and refugees. For many, the phrase welcoming the stranger has become synonymous with the Church’s pastoral care of immigrant communities. Yet, what the bishops make clear is that this support is rooted in our Scriptures. The letter quotes Leviticus’ reminder to the Jews that they were once strangers in the land of Egypt and therefore should embrace the strangers in their own land. 

When we consider these ancient biblical communities, we must remember that they were essentially kinship networks of extended families. Having kin and being connected to an intimate community was the key to survival. Those whose connection to community was fractured through death, such as widows and orphans, were uniquely vulnerable. Traveling was far from common. Strangers from a different land were, by definition, disconnected from their new community. When Joseph was forced to leave with a pregnant Mary, their status as strangers made them uniquely vulnerable on their journey. 

The Scriptures remind us again and again that the messengers of God often arise out of humble beginnings and out of vulnerability. 

 

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Strangers among us 

This is not the first time that I have considered the impact of strangers on my life. I have previously written about a Stranger on the Beach and the fleeting connection she had with my family.  

Rafael was not a literal stranger. I knew his favorite football team though passing comments. I knew that he always came to Mass alone. I knew that the warmth of his smile was one of my favorite parts of sign of peace. Beyond that, we had never exchanged more than pleasantries. 

I was born with several heart defects. Suffice to say, I have a long and complicated medical history. Not long after I got married, I opted to have another heart surgery in the hope that my heart would be strong enough to be able to effectively pump the increased blood volume of pregnancy. With that as context, I found myself quietly sobbing throughout Mass one day in 2017. 

It was my first pregnancy, and I had just been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. It felt like a slap in the face, and I was racked with self-doubt. Would my body successfully sustain this pregnancy? Would I be enough for this baby?  

My husband gently stroked my back as I wept. By this point, Mass was concluding, and he got up to use the restroom. I sat with my face buried in my hands. Rafael came to sit beside me. 

“I don’t know what has broken your heart today.” At the mention of my heart, the tears began to flow again. I couldn’t meet Rafael’s gaze. 

He gestured towards the crucifix behind the altar and tried again. “I just know that God is in all of it. Jesus understands and is with you.” Rafael stayed with me in companionable silence as we both gazed toward the altar. 

After our healthy son was born, I introduced him to Rafael and tried to express how much his comfort had meant to me on that day. Rafael simply waved it off and said something about God just doing what God does.  

 

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When I meet someone new, I pray to be inclined toward openness and charity. Rafael and many other “strangers” throughout my life have often come bearing the Good News. For their witness, I am deeply grateful. 

 

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Copyright 2025 Janelle Peregoy
Images: Canva