What I Learned from a Grilled Cheese Sandwich

When Janelle Peregoy's third-grader made a sandwich for his little brother, Janelle Peregoy realized an important truth about parenting.

My 8-year-old learned how to make grilled cheeses on our panini press over Christmas break. There were even a few occasions where he generously offered to make them for his younger brother thereby freeing me up … to do anything else.  

“I like learning new things.” 

As he confidently shared this with me while diligently buttering the sourdough, I thought about how often we teach the kids new skills.  

Not often enough.  

One of my recent favorite Catholic Mom articles was from Holly Dodd last month: "Efficiency is Not a Virtue." Holly’s premise is that busyness and multitasking often distract us from what really matters. Arguably, this phenomenon is worsened by a mainstream culture that equates a full calendar with success and prestige. 

Seeing my son so proud of making his own lunch made my own stomach lurch. 

Does being an “efficient” parent contribute to limiting his experience? Is the cost of my blindly going through daily routines inhibiting their new growth? 

Family Chore Lists Can and Should Be Shared 

I keep an on-going to-do list on my phone that I refer to as “Mom Admin.” It includes things that need to be done around the house, school communications that must be reviewed, appointments that need to be scheduled, and so on. One of my regular satisfactions is moving a task into the “completed” section. 

Sadly, much of my mental bandwidth goes into accomplishing these tasks. I am also guilty of chiding myself for not getting “enough” done. What if I asked for more help? What if I approached these ongoing realities as opportunities for learning and growth? 

If I let go of the idea that any of these tasks must be done my way, I leave room for my kids to learn how to do these things in their way. This involves devoting the time to guide them. This involves the “inefficiency” of their initial attempts. This involves releasing the pressure valve of my own need for control. 

New Skills 

I have begun brainstorming the new skills I can practice with my 3rd grader. Many of these will require breaking down a single task into manageable steps. Some of these may or may not be appropriate with younger children. 

Phone etiquette

My family doesn’t have a landline, so my son has few opportunities to speak on the phone beyond FaceTime with relatives. I want to gradually prepare him up to making his own doctor’s or dentist’s appointments. Besides learning how to make polite conversation over the phone, this will also require him to navigate the family calendar to find suitable times for appointments. 

Laundry

My boys have been known to fight over who gets to put the clothes in the washer and press the START button. Outside of that burst of competition, they know nothing about how to sort clothes, pick an appropriate wash setting and fold them afterward. It is time to learn. 

Schoolwork organization

In the past, I have simply pulled papers out of their backpack and sorted them on a nightly basis. For the new year, I have added two inboxes to our homework corner. One will be for prior work and completed assignments. The other will be for permission slips, school flyers and anything else a parent must see. They will be responsible for sorting their own backpack. 

Weekend pancakes

The boys already help me make pancake batter, set the kitchen timer and flip the pancakes. I am going to fully relinquish the spatula and supervisory role. Bonus, I get to stay in bed. 

My son’s grilled cheese reminded me that parenting is so much more than being responsible for our kids. Good parenting requires that we shepherd them into becoming the people that they are called to be. 

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Copyright 2026 Janelle Peregoy
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